


Teacher's Pet

by kciel



Category: D. Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One-Sided Attraction, Past Rape/Non-con, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-06-05 18:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15176819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kciel/pseuds/kciel
Summary: Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee have been best friends since high school, but when both have the hots for the same professor, everything changes... For better or for worse.A tale of friendship pushed to its limits.Side note: Allen does not have his pentacle in this story.





	1. Chapter 1

As Allen walked the university halls, he felt elated-as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He had graduated at the end of the spring quarter and would be returning for graduate school later in the year. The only reason he was there currently was due to his summer job. He worked as one of the school's librarians-a rather easy job due to the lack of students that attended school during the summer. 

Summer quarter had just begun, and Allen knew his favorite professor always taught intro classes during it. Their schedules lined up perfectly, and he walked aimlessly around the hallway, examining fliers on corkboards as he waited for the man's class to end. 

The class was only another five minutes according to his friend Lenalee, who was in said class, but he knew this particular professor utilized every minute of class time he could. He was very strict, and he seemed to get off just from lecturing people, or so Allen thought. Just as he was about to check his phone for the time, the classroom door opened and students began filing out. 

When Allen glanced in the classroom, he noticed Lenalee sidle up to Professor Kanda's desk. Allen wasn't sure what they were talking about, but he felt a twinge of jealousy nevertheless. 

Lenalee and Allen were close friends, but they were also rivals. Both of them had developed feelings for the professor, and they were currently competing for his attention. While neither of them stood in each other's way, there was still tension between them. They originally promised each other that there would be no hard feelings towards each other if one of them managed to score a date with him, but now Allen wasn't so sure that was the case. 

When Lenalee finally left the room, she was wearing a smug smirk on her face. For a moment, Allen's heart stopped. _Did she manage to ask him out?_ He wondered. 

"What happened?" He asked her as casually as he could. 

"Oh, nothing." She shrugged, "He just complimented my hair clip." 

"Oh?" Allen pressed her, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn't sure why, but it pissed him off that she was just shrugging it off despite the grin on her face. Prof. Kanda didn't just _compliment_ anyone. 

"Yep!" She beamed, and then in a mocking tone said, "Good luck!" 

As she left, Allen let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. This is it, he thought to himself as he turned to walk in the classroom. The professor was still packing up his materials when he entered. Taking a deep breath, Allen plastered a sultry smirk on his face and knocked lightly on the door's arch. 

"Professor Kanda, got a minute?" 

"Make it quick, bean sprout. I've got papers to grade." He said, glancing up at Allen briefly. 

Despite the nonchalant tone the professor used when talking to him, Allen always felt his stomach tie in knots whenever Kanda called him a bean sprout. At first, he found it simply annoying that he was making fun of his height, but it still stuck even as he grew taller over the years. Gradually, he found it more endearing as he was the only one the professor bothered to nickname. 

"You know, I'm a graduate now..." Allen told him proudly.

"I'm aware. Do you want a medal? Was your degree not enough?" He scoffed. 

"In fact, it wasn't." Allen told him, coming to stand in front of the podium where Kanda stood. Leaning his elbows against it, he continued with a cocky grin, "What I want is a date." 

Lenalee might have gotten a few compliments out of him with her timid sweet girl act, but Allen knew the reason the professor remembered him was because of his attitude. While Lenalee was too afraid to flirt, Allen knew just how to push his buttons.

Kanda's expression was stoic, but his eyes seemed to sparkle with amusement as they met Allen's. 

"You're my student." He said slowly, watching through narrowed eyes as Allen leaned in closer.

"I'm not anymore, Professor." He teased in a seductive tone, amused as Kanda's normally stoic expression shifted to one of surprise.

The professor's face was dusted a light pink, and Allen felt his heart would burst from his chest just from looking at his flustered expression.

Kanda seemed to be searching Allen's face for a sign of mischief. He knew Allen had come onto him before but never so strongly. He always took it for a joke-as if he was just another arrogant kid trying to make a fool out of his teacher. 

"Allen." He warned in a stern tone, though it only seemed to encourage him.

"I mean it." He said earnestly, "Unless you're not interested?" 

Allen circled around the podium, standing just inches away from the professor, "What do you say, Kanda?" 

There was a short silence between them as Kanda's eyes frantically searched Allen's own. He felt cornered and wondered briefly if Lavi, a fellow faculty member, put Allen up to this. 

Kanda had been divorced for a little over 3 years now, and he was going through a rough time the first year. On a drunken night at Lavi's apartment, he admitted he felt the slightest attraction towards one of his students-but he never specified who it was. It made him wonder if Allen was being genuine. 

"You're too young to be dating me." Kanda said suddenly, "You should be dating someone your own age."

"Oh, please!" Allen scoffed, "You're not that old. You're like 35 or something."

Kanda narrowed his eyes into slits, "33." 

"See? Even younger."

"You were like ten when I was your age." He said, exasperated. 

"11, actually. I'm 22." Allen smirked. 

"...That's not any better."

"But there's something sexy about it, right?" He teased, pressing closer to Kanda, "Don't tell me you've never thought about being with a college boy before? Especially in your position? You don't seem like the innocent type..." 

Kanda swallowed a lump in his throat as Allen drew closer. He could feel the blood rush up his neck to his cheeks. Inching away from him, Kanda ended up with his back against the whiteboard, Allen pressed against him.

"So, what do you say?" His voice was low and seductive. 

It was the first time in a long time anyone had left Kanda feeling speechless. Allen was so close that he could feel his breath on his lips. Just as Kanda was about to answer, someone cleared their throat loudly from the doorway.

"Uh... Do you guys mind moving to Yu's office or something? My class starts soon." Lavi called from the doorway, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. 

"Sorry, Professor." Allen apologized, separating himself from Kanda. 

"It's fine." Lavi breathed, "Just be glad my students haven't showed yet." 

Allen turned back to face a dumbfounded Kanda, who was still standing with his back against the whiteboard, "I'll be waiting near your office." 

Brushing past Prof. Bookman, Allen left the classroom. Snapping out of his daze, Kanda let out a sigh and grabbed his bag from the podium. 

"So..." Lavi began, intrigued by the situation he had stumbled upon, "Was that the student you told me about?"

"Not now, Lavi." Kanda snapped, shooting a glare at the redhead. 

"So, he is. Lucky you. If I remember correctly, he was part of the last grad ceremony." He mused.

"So what?" 

"So... he's a graduate, meaning you two could technically date now." 

"Do you hear what you're saying?" Kanda scoffed, "Do you know how much shit I would get from the other faculty members?"

"So?" Lavi retorted, "It's frowned upon, but you technically wouldn't be doing anything wrong. It's not against any university policy once they graduate." 

"What are you saying?" 

"I'm saying you've been a lonely depressed lump ever since your divorce, and it's time you get back into dating." Lavi said in a serious tone, crossing his arms over his chest, "Now... please get out of my classroom. My students will be here any moment." 

Kanda rolled his eyes but said nothing as he brushed past Lavi, lost in thought as he walked down the hall towards his office. Sure enough, Allen was waiting outside of his door, his brows furrowed as if he, too, was in deep thought. 

"Sprout." Kanda called him, "Let's talk inside."

"Whatever you say, Professor." Allen said with a smirk, moving away from the door.

Taking out his keys, Kanda unlocked the door and held it open for Allen. Once they entered the small office space, Allen propped himself against Kanda's desk, staring at him intently as he shut the door. 

"There are chairs, you know." Kanda said, an unimpressed look on his face.

"You said that the last time I was here too." He responded, a playful twinkle in his silver eyes, "Did I listen then?" 

"You never did." Kanda scoffed, "That's precisely why you drove me insane."

"I'm sure, yet you still handed me recommendations whenever I asked. Why's that?" 

"You have potential, as much as it pains me to admit. You were one of my best students. Very innovative." 

"Keep the compliments coming, Professor. I'm listening."

Kanda rolled his eyes, "Don't push your luck, kid." 

Allen gave him a pouty expression, "I may have been a kid when I first enrolled, but I've grown a lot, you know. I'm about as tall as you now." 

"You'll always be a brat to me." 

"If you give me what I want, maybe I won't seem as bratty." He teased, hopping off of Kanda's desk.

Allen came to stand in front of Kanda again, this time placing his hands on his waist.

"This is highly inappropriate." Kanda told him.

"Good thing I'm not your student anymore then." He whispered seductively, "So, is it a yes or a no?" 

Without a word, Kanda pushed Allen away and walked to his desk, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. The confidence seemed to have left Allen then, his eyes wide and his shoulders slack. 

"Oh..." Allen said in a quiet voice, "I guess I'll go then..?" 

Just as he was about to leave, Kanda spoke up again firmly, "Not so fast, sprout." He scrawled something on his paper and folded it in half before continuing, "I'll have you know, I don't appreciate this sort of behavior in the workplace-"

"So, you're lecturing me now?" Allen sighed. 

"Let me finish." 

Allen said nothing but motioned for Kanda to continue, "If you're going to ask someone out, don't catch them off guard in the workplace is all I am saying. I have an image to maintain, unlike you."

"I'm sorry, it's just-" Allen began but was cut off.

"I said let me finish." Kanda barked, walking back over to Allen. Snatching Allen's hand from his side, he placed the folded piece of paper in his hand.

"What's this?" Allen asked, unfolding it. 

"It's the number to my personal cell." Kanda responded, intrigued by the way Allen's eyes lit up as he stared at it, "We can talk about the details tonight when I'm off." 

"Wait... so this means..."

"You got your way once again, brat. Now, if you could please leave-" 

Kanda was surprised when Allen suddenly lunged forward, pulling him into an embrace. 

"Thank you so much!"

"...Just don't pull the stunt you did in the classroom."

Allen grinned, "Anything you say, Professor. But outside the classroom is fine, right?" 

"Allen." Kanda warned.

"After the first date then?" 

"Allen."

"The second?"

"Who said anything about a second!? You really are arrogant, you know that!?" 

"I learned it from the best." Allen teased, releasing his grip on Kanda's waist, "I'll text you tonight, then?"

"Do whatever you want." 

"I'll text you as soon as I leave then."

"Allen, wait-!"

"Bye, Professor!" Allen waved him off as he rushed out the door with a grin.

_That kid is gonna be the death of me..._ Kanda thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Allen: I win.**

Allen felt giddy typing that message to send to Lenalee. He could not wait to see her reaction, anticipation swelling in his chest the second he felt his phone buzz. 

**Lenalee: What do you mean?**

Lenalee's reply was almost instant. He could just imagine the look on her face, and he felt a bit sadistic as he typed out his explanation. 

**Allen: Why, I got a date with the prof., of course. ;)**

**Lenalee: You're kidding. Don't fuck with me.**

**Allen: Oh, believe me, I'm not. I was soooo close to getting a kiss too. ;P**

For a moment, Allen wondered if he took the teasing a bit too far as his phone went silent for nearly 45 minutes after his last text. During that time, he had managed to drive back home to his apartment, and just as he unlocked the door, he felt another buzz in his pocket.

**Lenalee: All is fair in love and war I suppose. Wanna meet me and the girls at the Coffee Club?**

**Allen: Sure. Give me 20 minutes.**

Though Lenalee's text made it sound as if she were okay, Allen found himself feeling a bit suspicious. Nevertheless, he still agreed. After all, they promised they would still be friends no matter who got to the professor first.

Then again, Allen remembered the feeling in his chest when he saw Lenalee's smug grin after she tried charming Kanda. He could only imagine what she might be thinking. 

*******************************

It had been nearly an hour since Allen left. Kanda was still in his office, desperately trying to focus on his paperwork. He could not seem to concentrate no matter how intensely he stared at the paper where his red pen hovered. 

Growing frustrated, he glanced at the clock and then at his phone. Allen had texted him immediately just as he said he would, but Kanda had made it a point to ignore it despite the notification mocking him on the screen. 

He was still unsure about the situation. It was true that he felt a slight attraction towards Allen after all the time they spent together during his junior and senior years in university, but that did not change the fact that Allen had been his student ever since he was fresh out of high school. Not only was he over a decade younger than Kanda, he also had a chance of ruining the reputation he had worked so hard to build up over the past few years as a respected professor. While Lavi was right that it technically did not violate any university rules now that he's graduated, such a thing was still highly frowned upon by faculty. He just was not sure if he was willing to drag his name through the mud simply because his dick could not contain itself. 

Letting out a long sigh, he was just about to reach across the desk for his cell when his office door suddenly opened. Lavi strolled in the room with his bag tossed over his shoulder, and Kanda thought for a moment that if it weren't for the worry lines that were beginning to show Lavi could easily pass off as a student. 

"Hello there, Yu." Lavi grinned, taking a seat across from Kanda and kicking his feet up on the desk, "Or should I say Daddy?"

Kanda scoffed, shoving the man's feet off his desk, "Could you be professional for once in your life?" 

"Honestly, not even if a mugger was holding a knife to my throat." 

"How tempting."

"That's cold, man." Lavi laughed, "So, you going out with that kid or what?" 

"Is that why you're here?" Kanda asked, tossing his papers onto the desk with a sigh. 

"Guilty as charged."

"I don't know..." Kanda rested his elbows on the desk, leaning his head against a fist, "I gave him my number, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna take him up on his offer." 

"And why's that?" Lavi asked, leaning forward with intrigue, "You know that kid's just going to harass you till you say yes, just like he did when he insisted you train him for that competition last year." 

"Ugh... don't remind me." Kanda sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Between the both of you, it's no wonder I suffer from migraines." 

"Not our fault you're so stubborn." Lavi murmured, his eyes landing on his friend's phone screen, "You know, he's already texted you?"

"So what?"

"So, respond. I think a date night is just what you need." 

"And why is that?"

"I already told you. You need to get out of your rut." Lavi told him in a serious tone, "I'm not saying you have to be in a relationship with this kid. I'm just saying it might be in your best interest to get back in the dating game, starting with him." 

"So, you're saying I should take advantage of a former student to get over my past toxic relationship that ended in a divorce that cost me thousands of dollars?" Kanda rolled his eyes, "Tell me, how is it you've a doctorate in psychology again?" 

"Ah, that would be a mixture of thousands of dollars in student loans and years and years of tear-stained scantrons." 

"Fair enough." Kanda smirked, snatching up his phone, "I guess I'll at least text him back."

"That a boy, Yu." 

"Shut up."

*******************************

When Allen arrived at the Coffee Club, he made his order and joined his friends in their usual booth in the corner nearest to the window. 

Lenalee scooted closer to the window to make room for him, setting her purse in between them. Diana was seated across from him beside Miranda, who was frantically skimming the pages of a science magazine. 

As he sat down, one of the baristas brought him his order, a smiley face and a heart sharpied by his name. With a grin, he thanked the girl who had brought it out and slipped her a five dollar bill. 

Allen used to work at the Coffee Club part time just a few months ago, and each employee knew him well besides the new hires. He was well-liked by all of his previous coworkers so much so that they often offered to let him use their discounts. Sometimes he would leave them tips (though tipping was against store policy) to thank them for their kindness. 

Taking a sip from his drink, Allen noticed Diana was staring at him with a crazy twinkle in her green eyes, "What is it?" 

"Lenalee told us that you won. Care to give us the details?" She pressed him, a grin stretched across her face. 

"Not particularly." Allen chuckled, "Besides, there's not much to tell."

"Oh, please." Lenalee scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Your texts implied otherwise. We all know how 'straightforward' you are, Allen." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Allen challenged, his eyes narrowing into slits as he turned to look at her. 

"No offense buddy, but we all know how you are when it comes to men. You're like a succubus." 

"That's a little harsh, Lena..." Diana tried to intervene, chuckling awkwardly.

"But it's true! He shows a little skin and suddenly men turn to zombies!" Lenalee shouted, slamming her drink on the table, "I just don't understand how someone as classy as Professor Kanda could fall for something like that..." 

"Classy? Are we talking about the same professor?" Allen asked incredulously, "He may treat you guys like incompetent babies in the intro courses, but I promise you that man curses more than Gordan Ramsey in the higher level classes. Don't mistake his OCD for classiness." 

"That still doesn't make it fair that you played the whore to get under his skin. Anyone could have done that." Lenalee said pointedly, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"You can call me a whore all you want. I still won." Allen muttered with a smug smirk on his face. He could feel Lenalee's eyes glaring holes into him.

Diana awkwardly cleared her throat, shifting uncomfortably from the tension in the room, "Um... Lena? No offense, but I don't really understand your fixation on the professor anyway... I could set you up with a friend if you want?"

"What's the point? Allen will just butter up another guy I like anyway..." 

"What the hell are you on about now?" Allen asked, gritting his teeth, "You don't even know shit about the professor, and you only started liking him after I told you I did." 

"Yeah? Well-" Lenalee began to retort but was cut off.

"Guys!" Miranda shouted, speaking up for the first time since Allen arrived, "I'm trying to read here!" 

"Yeah, you guys need to quiet down. People are looking our way." Diana hushed them, face slightly flushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry..." Allen and Lenalee whispered simultaneously.

It was not too odd to see them at each other's throats lately. Over the past year, their normal dynamic had dissipated into constant screaming matches, leaving their poor friends to act as mediators more often than not. The fighting only seemed to get more hectic as time went on, though Diana and some others claimed it to be an issue that could easily be resolved if the two simply sat down to communicate clearly. However, neither seemed to be willing to swallow their pride enough to do so.

"Lena, no offense, but I'm with Allen on this one. He's known the professor since his first semester here, so it's not that odd that he would know him better than you." Diana sighed, taking a quick sip of her drink before continuing, "You have no right to call Allen a whore, even if his past choices are questionable." 

"Gee, thanks." Allen grumbled sarcastically.

"Shut up." Diana snapped, "Now apologize, Lena."

Lenalee rolled her eyes but turned to look at Allen nevertheless, "I'm sorry I called you a succubus and a whore." 

"Apology accepted." Allen sighed, offering a handshake as a peace offering. 

Lenalee accepted his hand and gave it a firm shake, her face unreadable.

Suddenly, Allen felt a buzz in his pocket. Fishing around for it, his eyes caught sight of the notification on the lock screen. His eyes widened in surprise, he unlocked his phone to see a text from the professor.

**Kanda: FYI, I'm only free weekends thanks to the joys of being a teacher.**

"It's the professor..." Allen murmured with bright eyes.

"Well? What did he say?" Diana asked him excitedly, a toothy grin plastered on her face. 

"Looks like I'll have to wait till the weekend for his schedule to clear up." Allen smirked, glancing at Lenalee. She appeared to be ignoring him now, her eyes glued to her own phone.

"Ooh, good thing you work for the school now. Your weekends should be cleared up as well, right?" 

"At least more cleared up than when I worked here." Allen sighed, "Guess I'll try to make plans for Saturday night."

"Can I pick out your outfit?" Diana asked, her green eyes glimmering, "Please, please, please!"

Allen groaned, "Fine, Mom." 

"If I was your mom, your closet would look so much better." 

"That's harsh."

"But true. Right, Miranda?" 

Miranda sighed, tossing her magazine on the table in resignation, "You guys just aren't going to let me read, are you?" 

"Nope!" Diana and Allen chimed simultaneously.

Soon, the table of friends broke into a long session of goofy antics and friendly chatter. Everyone had loosened up and was beginning to enjoy themselves-all except Lenalee, who sat sulking in silence all the while.

But nobody seemed to notice her.


	3. Chapter 3

When Allen arrived back at his apartment, he let out a long sigh. His interactions with Lenalee were getting more and more strained, and he wasn't sure why.

They had been best friends since high school, and as far as he knew, nothing between them had really changed. So then, why did it feel as if their friendship was toddling over a cliff's edge? Over a guy, no less? It was never like that before, no matter what came between them, or so he thought.

Trudging into the small kitchen, he plopped his keys and wallet on the counter and made his way to the fridge to grab a beer. However, just as he was about to take a swig of it, he noticed something amiss. 

For one, his candy dish was completely empty, though he recalled it being full before. Inside the glass bowl, there was a crinkled ten dollar bill in the candy's place. He also noticed a small white coat dangling on the edge of the counter.

Setting his drink down with a gentle clink, Allen stared off into space with an unimpressed look, "I know you're here. You can come out now."

He heard a shuffle of movement around the corner, a pair of mischievous catlike eyes peering into the kitchen. Wild blue hair stuck out in every direction, begging for a brush to be taken to it-though Allen knew she'd never let him do that.

"How did you get in here, Road?" Allen sighed, sliding a barstool out from beneath the countertop. He motioned for her to come sit, and she obliged, pulling a bobbypin out of her hair with a triumphant grin.

Allen rolled his eyes, not at all surprised, "You're lucky my roommate is out of town. He might have called the police on you."

"That would have looked worse on him if he had to call the police over a 14-year-old girl being in his apartment." She replied mischievously. She reached for Allen's beer, but he swatted her hand away and snatched it up from the counter.

"Why are you here anyway, brat?" Allen asked, shooting a glare her way.

"You weren't answering anyone's calls." She told him, brows furrowed in annoyance, "Everyone has been worried about you, you know." 

Allen said nothing for a while, taking a giant gulp from his drink before responding, "I don't see why. I'm perfectly fine." Then, he smirked, "If anything, they should be worrying about you since your new thing is breaking into apartments apparently."

"Eh? But Tyki is the one that taught me how to pick locks." She claimed, sticking her tongue out at Allen.

Allen rolled his eyes, "Of course he did because teaching you how to pickpocket wasn't enough."

"Heh." Road chuckled, "Don't act like you're so innocent."

"Far from it unfortunately." Allen sighed, "But anyway, you need to leave, kiddo. I've got things to do and you've got summer homework to do."

"But-"

"And don't lie to me. Just go do it." 

Road hopped off the stool and crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, "Well, next time just answer the phone and maybe I would actually have time to do my homework."

"Just tell the family to stop worrying about me. I am an adult now, after all." Allen motioned towards the door.

"Maybe if you acted like one more often, I wouldn't have to break into your apartment." Road smirked, "Also, I expect you to give me my change back when you buy more candy."

************************************

Kanda was annoyed. Allen had left him on read. 

He may be old, but he knew that was essentially a social crime in Allen's generation. It made Kanda really wonder what the point of causing a scene was if Allen was just going to ignore him later on.

The worst part was that he knew he was practically sulking over it, which only succeeded in pissing him off even more. Was this really where his life was going? Kanda wondered. Relying on some asshole college kid for attention? Not to mention, someone with a reputation like Allen Walker?

Allen may be a good student, but according to his fellow classmates, he was "good" at quite a few things. It was hard for Kanda to believe he was so notorious around campus, but the rumors were so rampant that it was just as hard not to. 

There were many mixed views of the kid. On one hand, there were those that claimed he was a slut or an alcoholic with a gambling addiction. On the other, many of those who worked with him only had pleasant things to say about his work ethic and attitude, including Kanda himself.

Despite that, the rumors he heard way too often were stuck in the back of his head. Did Kanda really want to take such a risk on the kid? It was already scandalous enough to date a former student, but to date one with such a bad reputation was truly asking for it.

Nevertheless, as soon as Kanda heard his phone buzz, his ears perked up and he practically lunged for it. He had always secretly liked Allen, though it was mainly from a professional standpoint in the past. His eagerness, however, made him wonder if Allen truly had a romantic effect on him. After all, just a moment ago he felt like a rejected schoolgirl and yet here he was now getting excited over a simple text.

Perhaps Lavi was right. Maybe he did need to get over his divorce, and maybe Allen was the key to help him do that.

**Bean Sprout: Sorry. Just got home. Is Saturday good? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING:**
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> **Mature/graphic content (in italics) up ahead.**
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> **Viewer discretion is advised.**

_"Please stop..." Allen sobbed, groaning in pain._

_A shadowy figure loomed over him, chuckling in a demonic voice._

_There was blood dripping from Allen's broken nose, staining his lips red. His throat burned horribly, and his head throbbed with pain._

_He felt as if he was being split open, and his attacker driving further into him only seemed to feed his agony. When he attempted to wriggle out of the ropes that bound his wrists, the chafed flesh stung and he cried out in pain. A hand reached for his throat, and closed around his windpipe._

_"Just let it happen... It's almost over."_

Then, he woke up.  
Allen jolted from his bed, gasping for air. His sheets were soaked with sweat, and he felt as if he could vomit. 

Hands shaking, he lifted himself out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. Glancing at himself in the mirror, he thought he looked like a ghost. His eyes were wide with panic, and his skin was deathly pale.

Running his hands through his hair in frustration, he stared long and hard at himself. 

"It was just a dream..." He told himself, trying to regain control of his breathing. His heart was still thundering rapidly in his chest. 

"Just a dream..." He let out a long sigh, "...I'm fine. Just fine." 

Looking for a distraction, he strode back in his room just as quickly as he had left it. 

The place was a mess. Clothes, blankets, and pillows were strewn all over the floor. Various bottles and cans lined each surface. 

Allen crinkled his nose at the sight but made no move to clean any of it. Instead, he made a beeline for his phone sitting on the nightstand. He needed someone, or rather he needed an escape from his own thoughts.

His first instinct was to text Lenalee, but he stopped short when he caught sight of their previous conversations. He was in no mood to face her, let alone argue with her. So instead, he scrolled to Diana and shot her a quick text.

**Allen: Hey... still wanna help me prepare for my date???**

Her response was almost instant, and Allen was glad for it.

**Diana: sure :) just tell me when you need me! <3**

**Allen: Can you be here in 20?**

**Diana: It's kinda early but sure? Just let me put on some actual clothes and I'll walk on over :)**

**Allen: You're the best <3**

**Diana: I know ;)**

Allen let out a sigh of relief and quickly dug out a clean shirt from his closet. Diana would be there any minute, and he needed to look somewhat put together. 

He did not sweat it too much, however. After all, he was used to putting on an act for others. 

Everything was perfectly fine, and he would be too.

***********************************

Lavi stared across the table at Kanda, amused. The man was grading papers with one hand and holding a fresh cup of black coffee in the other. 

"You know... when I asked if you wanted to get coffee with me, this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." Lavi teased him. 

"And what exactly did you have in mind? I have to finish these before tomorrow." Kanda said without looking up, lifting the coffee mug to his lips.

"Oh? So the date's tomorrow then?" 

"So what if it is?" Kanda shot back, setting his coffee back on the table.

"You're not going to dress how you normally do, are you?" Lavi asked, ignoring the question.

"Tch. Why? Do you have a problem with how I dress now too?"

"Just a smidge."

Kanda groaned and tossed his pen on top of his stack of papers, "Well? Out with it."

"Frankly, you look too old."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Kanda snarled, "Do you see any gray hairs?"

Lavi raised his hands in defense, chuckling, "I'm not saying YOU look too old. I mean, what you're wearing makes you LOOK old. There's a difference."

"Yeah? Well, at least I don't wear argyle socks."

"Hey! Harsh!" Lavi protested, "My argyle socks are very comfy and go well with dress shoes, I'll have you know!"

"Tch. Whatever."

"All I'm saying is to dress a bit more... sexy? And less like you're going to a conference?" 

Kanda stared at Lavi for a long moment before responding, "You know, the more I hang out with you, the more I question my life choices." 

"Then, I'm doing my job as a psychologist." Lavi smirked, "But seriously, as your friend, let me help you out tonight."

"Why are you so intent on things going well between us? First, you insist I text him back and go out with him. Now, you want to dress me like some sort of Ken doll?" 

"Come on, Yu. Let me just do this for you." Lavi insisted, his single eye glimmering brightly with excitement.

They exchanged stares for a few moments before Kanda finally sighed in resignation, "I don't know what you're up to, but fine. I SUPPOSE it won't hurt." 

"Excellent! I promise I will work wonders."

"But no argyle socks."

Lavi shot Kanda a glare, "Seriously, what do you have against argyle?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**
> 
> Bit of a shorter chapter this time. Content will eventually drift into heavier subjects as time goes on. However, I will always provide warnings and indicators (like italics) in chapters that contain graphic or mature content, so abiding by those warnings all rests on you as readers.
> 
> For those who are underage (and here anyway), I am not your parent, so frankly, I can't control what you do or don't do. However, I would like to remind you that there is a distinct difference between fantasy and reality. This story will bring awareness to dark subject matter, but please don't let it bring about negative thoughts. Someone out there loves you, so no matter how bleak things may seem, there is always a light that will cut through the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

Diana was nervous as she trudged slowly up the stairs to the third floor of the complex. It was rare to receive a text so early in the morning from Allen. She briefly wondered if he was freaking out over the upcoming date or if it was deeper than that. 

After all, Lenalee was normally his go-to for everything until the fighting began. _Perhaps it's getting to him..._ She thought as she made her way to his door, rapping on it three times before she heard the click of the lock.

Allen peered through the door, looking a bit worse for wear. His eyes were bloodshot and there were dark circles under his eyes.

Diana said nothing about it though and simply pushed past him into the apartment. When Allen shut the door behind her, she spun around to be greeted with a cup of coffee. Allen held the mug in front of her with a dazed expression.

"You're early." He scolded her sarcastically, his arm falling to his side once she grabbed the mug from him. 

"Yeah, by like two minutes, ya weirdo." She chuckled, waltzing to the living area to plop on the small sofa, "So, what's up buttercup? Anxiety for tonight?"

"You could say that..." Allen mumbled, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, "I haven't exactly planned anything."

"Wait... so you asked someone out and you haven't even thought about it?"

"It's not that I haven't... It's more like... I don't know where he would wanna go?" 

"Um... Elaborate, please." She told him, patting the space next to her for him to come sit.

Allen sighed and grabbed his own coffee mug from the countertop connected to the kitchen. Plopping down beside her, he seemed to debate what to say in his head before he continued, "To be blunt, Kanda is a fucking mystery. Like, it doesn't seem as if he really enjoys anything other than yelling at people... and soba noodles." 

Diana snorted, "Ha! Take him to a Japanese restaurant. Problem solved. He will have soba noodles and waiters to yell at." 

"He'd probably yell at me more than the waiters." Allen scoffed, taking a few sips of coffee. 

"That may be true, but he'd enjoy himself either way." She chuckled, "Besides, if he said yes, I think he would enjoy your company no matter what you choose to do tonight."

"That is painfully sweet." Allen gagged playfully, earning a shove from his friend.

"Shush! Just tell me what you plan to wear so I can tell you you're wrong." 

"Ouch. I figured we could just go shopping in a little while. I need to get out of the house anyway."

Diana groaned and rolled her eyes, flopping on the cushions dramatically, "I wish you would have told me that before I came here so I could have at least done my makeup!" 

"Nobody's stopping you from going back down the stairs to _your apartment_ , lazy."

*********************************

It was later in the morning when Kanda woke up. He had stayed up late the previous night finishing up the papers he had been grading, and he had the dark circles to prove it. 

Rolling out of bed, he begrudgingly trudged towards the kitchen, surprised when he caught sight of wild red hair. Kanda said nothing, too used to being suffocated by the man to care.

"Coffee, Yu?" Lavi asked casually.

"Why are you always here?" Kanda grumbled, taking a seat on a nearby barstool, "And, yes."

"You gave me a key for a reason." He responded proudly, setting a cup of coffee in front of Kanda, "I'm your caretaker, remember?"

"I said that when I was drugged out of my mind in a hospital _one time_. That doesn't give you permission to come into my house uninvited." He muttered, taking a gulp of the steaming coffee.

Lavi sat beside him with a mischievous grin on his face, "Well, I'm practically your housewife at this point, so you're stuck with me. However, I would appreciate it if you put a sock on the door or something when you're banging it out with that kid later. Don't wanna walk in on my unfaithful husbando."

Nearly choking on his coffee, Kanda instinctively reached out to give Lavi an annoyed shove, "You disgust me sometimes. Why am I friends with you?"

"Well, probably because I'm the only one who holds your pretty hair back when you're shitfaced and glued to a toilet." 

"Fuck off." 

Lavi chuckled but said nothing for a while. The silence between them was comfortable as they quietly sipped away at their coffee.

Suddenly, Lavi's eyes lit up and he reached across the table to grab a brown paper bag, "I forgot I bought us breakfast burritos."

"I'll pass."

"But Yuuuuuu, it cost me two whole dollars... and you're gonna need your energy if we're going shopping later!" 

"Shopping?" Kanda perked up suddenly, "Who said anything about shopping?"

"No offense Yu, but your entire wardrobe consists of white button ups and slacks."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, if you wanna look like you're about to slap the kid's hands with a ruler later."

Kanda sighed, "So what do you suggest? Argyle socks to match?"

"Seriously man, what is it with you and argyle?" Lavi exclaimed, exasperated, "We're going shopping for something more casual and stylish, so eat this two dollar burrito your loving friend slash housewife bought you, get dressed, and grab your wallet, damn it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Short bc wow, having a weak immune system sucks butt. 
> 
> Tbh, sometimes I just wanna write the silly dialogue between Kanda and Lavi constantly, which is why that's mostly what you will see when those two are together. I just like the natural feeling of a conversation with someone you've been good friends with for a really long time. I don't really get that feeling too much nowadays, so sometimes I just like to live vicariously through Lavi lmao.
> 
> Stuff like this makes me wish I had the supplies and the motivation to draw comics.
> 
> P.S. I said this on my Wattpad, but I forgot to mention it here. Diana is an OC that acted as Kanda's ex in the very first fanfic I wrote. I brought her back for this book bc I adore her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: TRIGGER WARNING. There are depictions of cyber-bullying and mentions of violence up ahead. Read at your own risk.**

"Why did we have to come here of all places?" Allen grumbled, scowling at the sale signs scattered throughout the store, "Everything here is expensive even on sale."

Ignoring her friend, Diana shuffled through a rack of clothing with vigor, pausing every now and then to get a good look at a promising piece of clothing. She had already stacked a fair amount of clothing on one arm, and they had only been in the store for five minutes.

"What do you think of something like this, Allen?" Diana mused, pulling out a white graphic tee with a cherry patch on the chest.

"Too girly." Allen scoffed, earning an eye roll from his friend.

"What is _too girly_ about it exactly?"

"It looks like something a teenage girl on social media would wear."

"You're hopeless."

"That's why _you're_ here, right? To tell me I'm wrong?" Allen stroked his chin, "Or did you not say that earlier?"

Diana nudged Allen with her shoulder before placing the tee back in its place on the rack, "I think I picked out enough for now anyway."

"Enough? You sure? I thought we were trying to clothe my entire family." He remarked sarcastically, rolling his eyes as Diana shoved the stack of clothes in his arms.

She shot him an unimpressed look and pointed him towards the dressing rooms, "Can you not be a smartass for at least five seconds and just go try everything on? I picked out a bunch of different options to give you some variety."

"I'll try my best, but no promises." Allen murmured in response, lugging the pile of clothing in the direction she pointed.

With another roll of her eyes, Diana pulled her phone out to find a text from Lenalee. Quirking a curious brow, she opened her inbox to take a peek.

Upon clicking on Lenalee's name, a photo popped up. It appeared to be a screen shot of a text post made the night prior. Skimming over it, she noticed Allen's name but looked away from her screen when she heard two familiar voices close by.

Dropping her phone in her bag, Diana peered around a mannequin to see Professor Kanda and Professor Bookman chatting at the entrance. Eyes wide, she pivoted on her heels and rushed to the back of the store, where the dressing rooms were.

Allen was just making his way out when he spotted Diana frantically making her way towards him.

"What's up?" He asked, "That eager to see my picks?"

"Yes, but no." She told him, glancing over her shoulder, "Kanda is here."

His eyes widened with surprise, "You saw him?"

"Yeah, and get this, he's with Professor Bookman too."

"So?"

"We can't let them see us." Diana hissed.

"Why?" Allen asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Because it will be extremely awkward for both parties."

"I don't follow."

Diana groaned, gesticulating violently with her hands as she spoke, "You don't have anything planned yet, and if he asks, you're screwed! Plus, I can't see Professor Bookman!"

"Whoa, whoa." Allen raised his hands in defense, "Slow down. Why can't you see Bookman?"

"We can talk about that later! Let's just go!"

"Diana? And Allen?" Lavi's voice sounded from behind them, "Is that you guys?"

They spun around to see Lavi making his way towards them with a wide grin on his face, Kanda tailing closely behind. Diana's face turned pink as Lavi greeted her with a friendly hug.

Allen catcalled Kanda as he grew closer, a mischievous smirk on his face, "Hey, Professor. Fancy seeing you here."

Kanda rolled his eyes, glaring daggers at Allen, "I should say the same to you."

"What are you up to? Doing some shopping? Is it for me?" Allen teased him, watching with amusement as the man's cheeks flushed red.

"It seems to me that you're the one shopping for _me_." Kanda retorted, motioning to the clothes in Allen's hands.

"Well, you're not wrong." He shrugged, turning his attention to Lavi, "So, Professor Bookman, how do you know Diana?"

"Oh, uh... It's kind of a long story." Diana muttered in an attempt to change the subject.

"Nonsense!" Lavi exclaimed, "Diana was my reliable TA for a while, and after she graduated--"

"He had to get a new one who wasn't nearly as good!" Diana intercepted, her cheeks stained bright red.

"Uh huh..." Allen mused, staring at his friend suspciously, "Well, since we're all here, do you guys want to shop together? I'm very interested in hearing more of these TA stories I never heard about..."

"That's not necessary, Allen. I'm sure they're very busy. Right?" Diana said through gritted teeth.

"Nonsense. If I have the professor helping me pick out my clothes, things will go by a lot faster. This way, I know exactly what he likes." Allen turned back towards Kanda, "What do you say?"

"I suppose." Kanda sighed.

"Then, it's decided!" Allen shouted excitedly, taking Kanda's hand in his "Now, come on, Professor. Help me pick out my outfit."

"Wait! You don't expect me to go in the dressing room with you, do you!?" Kanda exclaimed, face flushed with embarrassment as Alllen dragged him back towards the dressing rooms.

"Oh, relax. We're both guys, aren't we?"

"That's not the point here!"

"Allen, you can't just leave me here!" Diana yelled after them.

"You'll be fine. You have Bookman with you. You guys can catch up." He waved at her dismissively.

_Damn..._ Diana thought to herself. _I'll remember this next time he needs me to be his wingwoman!_

"So..." Lavi began, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, "About that one time..."

Suddenly, Diana heard her phone ring.

"Hold on a second." She shushed him, "I forgot to reply to a friend earlier. I think she's texting me again."

Pulling her phone back out, she once again went to her inbox to find a new text from none other than Lenalee.

**Lenalee:  
Did you read the post???**

Wordlessly, Diana scrolled back up to the screenshot she received earlier.

**PurpleGal posted "Remember that slut Allen?? Yeah the one that slept with my bf and then cried rape? Apparently his car caught on fire awhile ago and someone pulled him out. Karma's a bitch, ain't it???? He DESERVED those burns, don't try to make me think otherwise."**

**LeoDev commented "i heard about that. he went to the hospital for awhile didn't he?? i wonder if he's okay..."**

**PurpleGal commented "lol personally I wouldn't even care if he died from it.. trying to ruin someone's life just bc you're a slut is unforgiveable"**

**wheelsexy commented "LOL he's going to burn even more when he dies!! Cunt tried to flirt with me at a party once even though I made it clear I wasn't GAY LOL."**

Eyes narrowing in distaste, Diana typed back a quick message.

**Diana:  
You don't think Allen's seen that, do you??**

 

**Lenalee:  
I don't know....... it's pretty brutal, so I hope not....... I'm still mad at him, but still. Reading it made me really upset. I already reported it.**

 

**Diana:  
Good. Don't show it to him. He wasn't looking too good earlier today. I don't want to stress him out in case he's off his meds again... and don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to back off of him for a while too....**

 

**Lenalee:  
Okay, rude. But yeah, I guess I see your point. I can't avoid him, but I'll try to bite my tongue from now on. What are you guys up to?? I'm a bit jealous I wasn't invited over this morning too lol....**

Diana bit her lip, a feeling of guilt settling over her. Lavi seemed to catch on to how she was feeling and rested a hand on her shoulder.

"Everything okay?" He asked, his one good eye filled with concern.

"Yeah... just fine." She muttered, staring off in the direction Allen and Kanda went.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   **A/N: Sorry updates are slow. Exams have been kicking my ass and I kind of relapsed back into unhealthy habits. I'm seeking help though, so I will try my best to continue this as frequently as I can.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Anyway, enjoy the read! Sorry it's so short, but writer's block hurts us all!**

Kanda sat in the dressing room stall in silence, his eyes flickering back and forth between Allen and the floor. Each time Allen stripped, a long jagged burn scar was revealed in its entirety, stretching from his left hand up to his shoulder.

"I don't really like short sleeves anymore." Allen mentioned casually, observing himself in the mirror.

"I think it looks nice." Kanda told him, clearing his throat. Their eyes met in the mirror for a moment before he continued, "It's better than all the black you normally wear."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" Allen scoffed, a playful smirk on his face.

"Take your pick."

Allen rolled his eyes but said nothing for a long time. Taking one last look at himself in the mirror, he moved onto the next outfit, revealing the discolored flesh of his scar once again. Kanda watched with a stoic expression as he eased the next shirt over his charred arm.

"How does it feel?" Kanda asked suddenly, his voice quiet.

Allen's reply was almost instant, as if he had been prepared for the question, "Not bad, really. To be completely honest, I'm just happy I can still move it."

"Did the doctor say you wouldn't be able to?"

"Not exactly, but I was worried about nerve damage. Apparently, numbness is sometimes a symptom of burns. For a while, I couldn't feel anything because I was in shock, but as the adrenaline wore off, that sensation of pins and needles was there for a while."

  Kanda said nothing for a while, his eyes downcast as Allen continued changing in and out of clothes. Brows furrowed, he sat in deep thought. Something was off. Allen had yet to say anything remotely flirtatious while he had Kanda alone, which was odd to him. It was as if the normal air of confidence that surrounded Allen diminished.

"You liked this one, right?" Allen held up a teal t-shirt with a band logo Kanda did not recognize, along with a pair of black jeans.

 "Yeah?"

"Then, I'm buying it."

****************************************

Diana nervously checked her phone every few minutes as she and Lavi waited for their friends to return. They stood a few feet apart with barely a word spoken between them. Lavi seemed to stare off in the distance as if he was lost in thought. Occasionally, their eyes would meet, but neither of them made a move to speak.

Then, Lavi decided to break the silence, "So, what's on your mind?"

Diana gave him a puzzled look, "What do you mean?"

"I used to be a profiler. I can tell when someone's in turmoil. Who's texting you?"

Scoffing, she rolled her eyes at him, "This is why it was difficult to work with you. You get so involved in people's personal lives, even when it's against their wishes."

"That's sort of my job." He shrugged, "Is it about your friend?"

"What's it to you, Lavi?" She snapped, "Why do you care?"

His one good eye narrowed into a piercing green slit as he spoke in a stern voice, "It's Doctor to you, and I care because if it will affect my best friend in anyway, I would like to know." Eyes softening, he continued, "And just because we aren't close anymore doesn't mean I stopped caring."

Appearing deflated, Diana's eyes lowered to the floor, her voice coming out in a low whisper, "To be completely honest, I don't know what's wrong. I have an idea of what could be, but Allen doesn't tell me anything."

"Is he in some kind of trouble?"

She hesitated to answer, "Not that I know of. I've just seen some cases of cyber-bullying. They imply darker things have happened in his past, but I don't really know what's true and what's not."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"I--," Startled, Diana stopped short when Allen suddenly clapped his hand on her shoulder.

"We're back!" He said cheerfully, Kanda close behind him, "What did we miss?"

"Um, nothing!" She exclaimed, turning to Lavi with pleading eyes, "Right?"

"Yeah... Just catching up." Lavi replied slowly.

Kanda shot the redhead a quizzical look but said nothing. Shrugging, Allen brushed past them to head to the checkout counter, leaving the three in an awkward silence.

"So, how'd it go, Yu?" Lavi asked cheerfully, a toothy grin stretching across his lips.

Kanda scoffed, "Surprisingly normal. He barely spoke."

"Have you driven him away already? I told you that you need to smile more!"

"Do I seem like the smiley type to you?"

Diana listened to the two men go back and forth with each other, deep in thought as she stared at Allen from a distance. Spotting her, he gave her a little wave, a playful smile on his face. 

Her heart felt as if it was sinking in her chest. Allen and her were so close yet so distant at the same time. Even though they had been good friends for years now, it felt as if when she took one step closer to him, he would take two steps back. 

"I'm done." Allen chimed in front of her, snapping her out of her daze.

"Are you okay?" He asked, concern etched on his face.

"Yeah! Just fine!" Diana chirped as cheerfully as she could manage, squeezing her phone in her hand tightly, "Are you?"

Allen's eyes widened in surprise for a moment, then he smiled, patting her on the head, "Don't worry about me."


	8. Chapter 8

Later that day, Diana and Allen sat in Allen's apartment, sprawled out on either side of his sofa.

"I can't believe you let Kanda see you naked before your first date." Diana muttered into the couch cushions.

"First of all, I wasn't naked." Allen said as he clicked through the channels on the television, "Secondly, he's probably fantasized about it before; let's be real." 

"Yeah, but you're supposed to have an air of mystery about you!" Diana sighed dramatically, shifting to sit up.

"Can't be all that mysterious when you're the local slut." He replied bluntly.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"I thought the date was later tonight?" Diana mused, brows furrowed.

"It is..." Allen said under his breath, moving to get up. 

"Is it a robber?" She joked.

"If it is, he's the worst robber ever. Who tries to rob someone in broad daylight and knocks on the door to do so? This isn't Canada."

Allen peered through the peephole to find Lenalee on the other side, a box in hand. Quirking a curious brow, Allen swung the door open, his voice laced with sarcasm as he spoke, "Sorry miss, but I didn't order anything."

Lenalee scoffed, rolling her eyes as she shoved the box into Allen's arms, "Consider this a peace offering. Can we talk?"

"Diana's here." 

"In your room then. Please?" She pleaded almost inaudibly.

Allen sighed, stepping aside to let her in, "Be my guest." 

She walked past him into the small living room, nodding in acknowledgement to Diana. Diana eyed her warily for a moment, gripping a throw pillow in her lap. Without another word, Lenalee spun to face the short corridor that led to Allen's bedroom and marched towards his door. Allen followed close behind, messing with the box as he went. 

Once they were in his room, Allen shut the door behind them and set the mysterious box on his dresser. Lenalee observed the disaster zone with an unreadable expression, her nose turning up at the sight of the piles of dirty laundry scattered about. She took a few steps forward and nearly stumbled over a lone boot. In an attempt to balance herself, she threw her hands in front of her to catch her weight on the end of Allen's bed. Letting out a small huff, she pushed herself up to stand upright and whirled on Allen with an unimpressed look. 

She said nothing for a long while, her eyes occasionally glancing away to observe the condition of the room. Finally, she sighed, her voice sounding a bit strained as she spoke up, "So, are you gonna open it?" She motioned to the box.

"I'll check it out later." Allen replied, crossing his arms over his chest, "What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to apologize for lashing out at you before." She responded quietly, her eyes avoiding his.

"Oh?"

"Yeah." She sighed again, "I was out of line. I got really worked up because of you winning over the professor and all. Guess it triggered some old memories." 

"We've been over this before." He stated sternly.

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry, but..."

"But?"

"Allen, I'm worried about you. Just look at this place." She gestured to their surroundings, "It's messier than it's ever been."

Allen scoffed, "You're worried because my room is a little messy?"

"No, I'm worried that you might have stopped taking your medication again." 

"I'm fine, Lena. I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself." He rolled his eyes.

"I know that, Allen. I'm not saying you can't, but if you stop taking it, you might have another _break_ \--"

"Lena. I'm fine. Really. Don't you trust me?" 

Lenalee stared at him long and hard. She knew he was lying, but she decided to let it go.

"I guess I have no choice in the matter either way. Let me know if you like what's in the box." She told him, pushing past him to leave. 

Running a hand through his hair, Allen glanced at the box. He debated taking a quick peek inside, but his hands were shaking ever so slightly with an unexplained rage. As he heard Lenalee slam the front door, he let out a frustrated grunt and swept the box into a nearby trash bin. 

As the box plummeted to the bottom, whatever was inside sounded as if it had shattered. Peering inside, Allen could see that it had opened slightly, revealing a broken picture frame surrounded by its own glass shards. The jagged edges of the glass that remained in the frame surrounded a photo of Lenalee and Allen from when they were in high school.

In the photo, his hair was still brown and his arm was how it was _supposed_ to be. He and Lenalee stood side-by-side, arms linked together--how they were _supposed_ to be.

It made him want to scream, but like always, he didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Going in hard with the mental illness stuff in the beginning so that Allen's reactions to things in the future will be more apparent.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Next chapter will hopefully be more lighthearted though. Let me know what you think and comment any questions you might have.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Thank you for reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

Allen stared long and hard at himself in the mirror. He was wearing the outfit he bought earlier that day--the one Kanda was fond of--but something about it was unsettling to him. Perhaps it was the fact that his arm was out in the open for all to see. For a moment, he debated covering it up, but he decided not to. He did not want to seem ashamed of it.

With a sigh, he pulled himself away from the mirror and trudged out of the bathroom. As he entered the hallway, his ears perked up at the sound of someone struggling with the front door. Tiptoeing to the end of the corridor, he peered around the corner to see his roommate, Krory, struggling to lug his bags inside.

"Hey, I thought you weren't supposed to be back for a while." Allen pondered aloud, startling him.

"Jesus, Allen... I swear, you have ninja feet." He sighed, dropping some of his bags at his feet to shut the door.

"Sorry," Allen grinned, picking up a few of Krory's bags, "Should I put these on your bed, m'lord?"

Krory rolled his eyes, smirking, "Yeah, I'll get them later. What's with the outfit?" 

Allen reflexively put his arm behind his back, his smile faltering ever so slightly, "I got a date."

"Oh? Who with?"

Allen smirked, and Krory's eyes immediately lit up, "Is it him?"

"Take a guess."

"That's amazing, Allen!" Krory exclaimed, clasping his hands together, "Now, you can get him to curve my test scores for me!"

"Pfft. You think that I can get that stubborn man to do anything for me? He once gave me an 'F' for showing up late." 

Krory groaned, "He's done the same to me more than once. I guess I'll just have to say goodbye to my high GPA..."

"So, why are you home so early?" Allen asked, heading towards Krory's room. Krory followed suit, rolling a suitcase behind him. A troubled look swept over his face.

"Uh... It seems Eliade and I are having some issues we need to work out." 

"Trouble in paradise? Wanna talk about it?" Allen asked as he opened Krory's door and tossed his luggage on the bed.

"Oh no..." Krory began, approaching his bed, "I don't want to burden you with my problems before your date." 

"I don't mind." Allen told him, brows furrowed, "We're friends, ya know."

Krory smiled warmly as he unzipped one of his bags, "I know that, but there's always another time. You shouldn't be worrying about my relationship troubles before your first date with the guy you like." Pulling out a bundle of clothes, Krory tossed them into the laundry basket he kept at the foot of his bed, "I promise, I'm fine. We can talk about it tomorrow. You can tell me about your date, and I can tell you about Eliade."

Allen nodded slowly, "That's fair, but don't put it off like last time. Listening to you sob about your problems for days on end is a lot worse than hearing you talk about them."

"I will keep that in mind." 

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. 

"That must be him. You should go." Krory told him, not even bothering to look over his shoulder.

"Yeah..." Allen mumbled, glancing at Krory one last time before heading back down the hallway.

Swinging the door open, Allen almost did a double-take. Kanda stood on the other side of the door, his long dark hair let loose to cascade down his shoulders like an ebony waterfall. He wore a slim-fit black tee with a Japanese print on it that Allen couldn't understand. A pair of dark-wash blue jeans defined his long legs, and Allen secretly hoped it did the same in the back. **(A/N: *wink, wink*)**

"Oh, wow." Allen felt heat rising to his cheeks. Wow, real smooth Allen, real smooth. 

Kanda appeared just as embarrassed as Allen was, "You look nice." 

"Oh. Uh. You too."

They stood there for a few moments, not a word passing between them.

"Well..." Allen began, clearing his throat awkwardly, "Let's go. Everything is in walking distance, so we won't need to drive." 

Kanda followed Allen down the stairwell, surprised when Allen suddenly clung to his arm as they reached the bottom. 

"Do you work out?" He asked casually, a smirk on his face, "I've never seen you in anything but dress shirts. You didn't tell me you were ripped."

Kanda's face visibly flushed, "Why would I?"

"Well, if I had known, I might have eased up on the flirting out of fear of being punched into next week." Allen teased, leading him down the sidewalk. 

_His demeanor completely shifted._ Kanda thought to himself, unaware of the pair of eyes watching them from the balcony just a floor above.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Hello again! Short chapter, I know. I am currently in the process of rewatching DGM because it had been so long since I last saw it and it's really weird because I feel myself being sucked back in. But I think it will be good for inspiration.**
> 
> **But anyway, I have been thinking of A) Putting fun facts about this story's version of the characters (just little things about them that don't provide spoilers) or B) Putting questions at the end of each chapter for you guys to answer. Or both. Both is good too.**
> 
> **Also, idk how many of you actually read to the end of the description of this story, but REMEMBER, IN THIS AU, ALLEN DOES NOT HAVE HIS PENTACLE.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun fact: In this story, Kanda is half Japanese and half American.**

_Kanda was sitting at his desk, a red pen hovering over a stack of papers. His head throbbed the longer he stared at the words on the page._

_He hadn't slept at all during the break from school, and he had the dark circles to prove it. He wasn't even sure what time it was, but he knew it was dark out and that he had been sitting in that same office chair for the past few hours._

_With a resignated sigh, he tossed the pen in his drawer and turned slightly to face a separate stack of papers on the far corner of his desk. He stared at it for a long while, his arms crossed over his chest. The anger he had felt the first time he laid eyes on it had faded over the past week, leaving nothing but an empty feeling in his chest. That single stack made him lose his appetite, his motivation, and now his sleep as well._

_Running a hand through his messy locks of hair, he searched for a pen. After all, all he had to do was sign the top form and he wouldn't have to look at it anymore._

_As he rummaged through his desk, he glanced up at the photos surrounding his PC and an overwhelming feeling of grief washed over him. Photos of Alma and he decorated the corners of the monitor, and suddenly he couldn't be bothered to find the pen anymore._

_Swallowing the lump building up in his throat, Kanda shoved the stack of divorce papers in an empty manilla folder in his file cabinet._

_He would sign them later, he told himself. As soon as he got some sleep._

Kanda felt odd going out with Allen. He hadn't been on a proper date in years, and he felt a bit weird that it was with someone a little over a decade younger than him. He wasn't sure what to do or say, and he was trying very hard to keep a stoic expression on his face--something he found difficult when Allen was clinging to his bicep and suddenly cranking up the flirtatiousness out of nowhere. 

"Are you blushing, Professor?" Allen teased.

"Don't call me 'Professor' when we're out like this!" Kanda snapped, "People will think weird things." 

Allen shrugged, "Let them think what they want. People talk no matter what you do." 

Allen led Kanda a little farther down the sidewalk to a small incline that descended into a restaurant Kanda did not recognize. As they walked inside, an old woman smiled warmly at them.

"What is this place?" Kanda asked, brows furrowed as he eyed the mismatching decor. 

"This is a restaurant that used to be a Chinese place, then a Mexican place, then a Chinese place again, and now a Japanese place." Allen answered, "It has gained a lot of traction lately, so I thought we could give it a try. Plus, they have soba, and that is the one thing I know you don't hate." 

"Table for two?" The old woman asked them, her eyes lighting up as she met Kanda's gaze. She asked him a question in Japanese, and Kanda responded fluently, surprising Allen. The two spoke for a bit longer as Allen watched the pair with intrigue. Then, she motioned for the two men to follow her as she led them to their table. 

As Allen and Kanda took their seats, the woman spoke to Kanda in Japanese again as she placed the two menus on the table. Kanda thanked her, bowing his head slightly as she began to leave.

"Uh... what just happened?" Allen asked, leaning his elbows against the table.

"Oh." Kanda responded as if just noticing how lost Allen was throughout the whole encounter, "She asked if I was from Japan. I said no, but my mom was. Then, she told me that her family moved here not too long ago from a small town in the Japanese countryside. She also said she will give us a discount since I could speak with her." 

Allen gazed at him, eyes glimmering with interest, "I didn't know you could speak Japanese." 

"You never asked." Kanda shrugged, feeling heat rise to his cheeks the longer Allen stared at him, "Not many opportunities to speak it at the university either."

"Huh. Have you ever been to Japan? You said your mom was from there, right?" 

"Yeah... I went there for holidays when I was young to visit my mom's side of the family."

"Did you ever live there?"

"No, but my mom did give me the option."

"What do you mean?"

"Well--" 

Suddenly, a younger woman appeared at their table, "Sorry for the wait. What would you two like to drink?"

After they ordered their drinks, chatter floated between them more naturally than it had before. Kanda felt himself begin to relax and soon, the waitress returned with their drinks before bustling back to the kitchen with their food orders.

"Hey." Kanda said suddenly, catching Allen by surprise, "I've been meaning to ask you... Why exactly did you ask me out?"

"What?" 

"I'm just curious. I know I said it before, but don't you think I'm too old for you?" 

Allen seemed to think about his answer, "I can't explain it, really. I had my eye on you for a while, even when I demanded your help on side projects of mine."

"I don't follow."

"I just like what I like and you happen to be what I like. It's as simple as that really." Allen shrugged.

"It wouldn't have to do with what happened, would it?" Kanda asked quietly, his eyes settling on Allen's hand.

"What do you mean?"

"I pulled you out of there. Is that why?"

Allen's gaze dropped to his hand, his eyes glossy as if he were in a daze.

"You don't have to--"

"Don't. It's not like that." Allen scoffed, "I just like you. Is that so hard to grasp?" 

"Yes." Kanda muttered, his eyes downcast as his thoughts lingered on the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Give kudos and leave a comment!**
> 
> **Q: Have you been paying attention? What do you think Kanda and Allen are talking about in the end? Do you feel differently about Kanda now that you have seen some backstory? Lemme know!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun fact: Allen lives in a diverse family of misfits. Like Kanda, Allen also speaks more than one language, though he is most fluent in English and Portuguese.**
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> 
>  
> 
>  **WARNING** : _Graphic content in italics! Read at your own risk!_

_It was late at night, and Allen felt as if he would keel over at any minute. He wasn't feeling so hot, and suddenly the pulsing rhythm beating throughout the frat house felt as if it was being drilled through his skull. It was hard to stand, much less walk, and his vision seemed to fade in and out as he clung to the closest wall. His insides churned the more he moved, and soon he found himself on the floor curled into a ball, dry heaving._

_Something wasn't right, he thought. He didn't drink much, and he had never been known to be such a lightweight in the past. Suddenly, he noticed a pair of feet stop in front of him. His vision began to blur when he felt someone lift him up. For a moment, he struggled to be released from the person's grasp before fading into unconsciousness._

_He woke up with a start when he felt a sudden pain, jerking his wrists forward only to find them restrained. His breathing came in short gasps as he cried for the pain to stop, his vision fading in and out all the while. Chancing a glimpse at his attacker, he saw someone he recognized, cupping his face and cooing at him in a gruff voice._

_Allen groaned as loud as he could, hoping someone would hear him. Then, he felt a large hand close around his windpipe, his throat burning as he struggled to breathe._

_"Just let it happen..." The voice told him, "It's almost over."_

_Then, he fainted again._

"Bean sprout?"

Allen was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Kanda's voice.

"Where are you taking me now?" He asked, breaking the silence that had plagued them since their conversation at the restaurant. 

"You'll see." Allen replied, "It's just around the corner up ahead." 

It had been a while since Allen had been on a proper date with anyone. In the past, Allen typically skipped the dates and went straight to the dirty work. The only time he recalled taking the time to plan things out the way he had was in his teens when he pretended to be straight. 

Somehow, it felt different being out with Kanda. For once, he legitimately felt nervous. He was already somewhat embarrassed for getting so worked up at the Japanese restaurant. He felt as if he had been caught in the middle of a crime, but Kanda's response to his question sat with him more than anything. 

_"I just like you. Is that so hard to grasp?"_

_"Yes."_

He briefly wondered why Kanda would say something like that. He always seemed so confident at the university. It was strange to see him looking so vulnerable. _I wonder if something happened to him._ Allen thought, coming to a halt in front of an arcade.

"Ta da!" Allen oustretched his arms towards the neon sign, a cheesy grin on his face.

"An arcade?" Kanda mused, seeming genuinely surprised, "I didn't think your generation went to arcades anymore."

"This isn't just any arcade." Allen told him, a smug smirk on his face, "It is an 80's retro arcade."

"I was barely alive then." Kanda scoffed.

"You were still an 80's baby though." Allen told him, "Besides, there are some modern games as well for the youths and whatnot." 

"Tch. Then, can you really call it an '80's arcade'?"

"Never mind that. Come on. Let's go." Allen grabbed Kanda by the hand, pulling him inside. 

Inside, the walls were painted with murals of fantastical landscapes, and the blinking lights of the arcade games lining each wall dotted the artwork with a kaleidoscope of colors. Buzzers and whistles went off in a swirl of sound around them as patrons lost or won various games. An unethusiastic teenager sat at the entrance, helping a family with an issue at one of the token kiosks that greeted them as they entered. Steering around the family to get to one of the unoccupied kiosks, Allen released Kanda's hand from his grip and turned to face him.

"How many tokens should we get?" He asked, grinning mischievously when he saw the flustered expression on Kanda's face.

"You tell me. You brought me here." Kanda murmured, avoiding Allen's eyes.

"Touche." Allen shrugged, "I guess I'll put in a twenty, and if we need more, we can come back."

"Sounds good."

"I got to warn you though." Allen chuckled, "There's no game here that I can't get the highscore for." 

"What? Are we gambling now?" Kanda mocked him, "Sounds like big talk to me."

"Oh yeah? Wanna bet?"

"Name your price."

"Alright." Allen smirked, "If I can get the high score on at least five of the games here, you have to invite me to your house tonight."

"Tch. You would say something like that." Kanda muttered, "But fine, you got yourself a deal. If you don't succeed, you have to act as my TA for a week, and you will be responsible for grading all my students' assignments for that given week." 

"You act as if it's a punishment that I get to spend a whole week with you."

"Oh, believe me. It will be. By the time you're done, people will think you're bleeding from all the red ink stains." 

"You're on, Professor."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **1) I am aware most arcades use play cards now, but these places are based on the city I was born in, where we are all stuck in our ways.**
> 
>  
> 
> **2) Would you guys be interested in having access to the spotify playlist I made for this story? I make playlists for all my works to listen to while I write. The songs on it mostly consist of ones that give me strong vibes of certain characters, rather than openly narrating the events that happen.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Q: This chapter mainly focuses on Allen this time. How do you feel about my version of Allen so far? Have you observed anything in particular? How do you feel about the bet he made with Kanda? Lemme know!**


	12. Chapter 12

Kanda felt his brow twitch as he watched Allen conquer a game of _Galactica_. 

This was the fifth game they had been to. If Allen managed to get the highscore on this final one, he would win the bet with over half their tokens to spare. 

A small crowd of teens and young adults had gathered around Allen, gaping at the consistently increasing score on the screen. They all stood, engrossed in the game. Occasional cheers would erupt over the beeps and buzzers of the arcade as Allen would pass another milestone. 

He was close, so close that Kanda could feel the anticipation swelling in his chest. Then, it happened. 

Raucous applause broke out in the circle around them as Allen beat the record on the machine. With a cocky grin, Allen entered his initials to secure the number one slot--or rather, he opted to put "ASS" instead.

"I don't know how, but you cheated." Kanda muttered. 

Allen smirked, "I did no such thing, but even if I did, you never told me I couldn't. You only said I had to win, remember?"

"I vaguely recall scolding you to choose your words more carefully on one of your last papers." Kanda shrugged, an unimpressed look on his face. "At least I know you took that advice to heart."

"See? You should be proud of me. I'm becoming a real adult." Allen teased.

"Your cocky attitude makes me think otherwise."

"Harsh."

The crowd around the machine slowly dispersed as Allen and Kanda made their way elsewhere, walking aimlessly side-by-side.

"How'd you get so good at these games? Are you one of those idiots on the internet screaming into a microphone over a video game?" Kanda joked, making Allen chuckle.

"No, but I would probably make more money doing that than I would at the library." Allen said, then added as an afterthought, "The truth is I used to come here a lot back in high school. My girlfriend at the time was the one that dragged me here almost every Friday night."

"I see. Was this before you were out?" 

Allen's face seemed to drop at the question, and Kanda briefly wondered if he said something wrong. Before he could ask, Allen spoke up again, "It was. She was the first person I told. We even stayed friends afterwards, but... things got complicated."

"Would this person happen to be Lenalee?" Kanda asked hesitantly, unsure of how Allen would react, but he said nothing in response. "So, it is then. I know you two are very close, so I just assumed. She told me you were her inspiration for switching majors."

"That's a lie." Allen scoffed, "She just... can't let go of things very easily. It's her way of sticking by my side. She copies what I do, goes to the places I go, likes the people I like..."

Kanda could see the frustration etched clearly into Allen's face. He was not sure what to say to sway the situation, but he was trying his best to stay composed.

"Want to leave?" Kanda asked quietly, his stoic eyes muddled with empathy, "If you still insist on coming to my house, we should stop by your apartment first."

"You're seriously letting me?" Allen asked, his eyes lit up.

"Was that not part of the deal?"

"Well, I mean, yeah... but I thought with your stubborn attitude, you would never let me. So, I was using the bet mostly as a means to impress you, ya know?" 

"Maybe I should rescind my offer then." 

"Sorry, but you already extended the invitation. No backing out now."

"Tch."

When the pair left the arcade, it was already getting dark outside. A light breeze brushed through the air to relieve them of the everpresent summer heat. 

The neon lights of the arcade were glowing fiercely, enticing passersby to go inside. A teen couple shuffled past them, giggling with big grins on their faces. 

The walk back to Allen's apartment was silent for the most part, though it took longer. Whenever they passed by a street performer or a homeless person, Allen seemed to be compelled to stop and donate a bit of change to each of them. Every one of them also seemed to know Allen, at least well enough to be on a first-name basis with him. Kanda was intrigued by this but made no mention of it. He had no desire to make things more awkward than they already were.

Once they arrived, Kanda escorted Allen back to his flat. 

"Do you think you could wait in the kitchen? My room is kind of messy..." Allen asked, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Kanda shrugged, "Make it quick."

"Yeah, yeah." Allen rolled his eyes, a smirk on his face. Pausing before he went down the hallway, Allen turned back to look at Kanda. "If my roommate comes out, don't mind him. He's having a hard time."

"Okay?"

Seemingly satsified with such a weak answer, Allen went down the hall to gather his things. Meanwhile, Kanda glanced around the rather empty kitchen, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited. 

The tiny apartment made him feel nostalgic somehow, reminding him of his own apartment from his college years that he shared with a couple of other guys. A pair of photos on the refrigerator caught his eye, though the faces were hidden by magnets. Curious, Kanda plucked a magnet off the first photo and held it in his hand, examining it.

It seemed to be a graduation photo from when Allen was in high school. His hair was brown like the first time Kanda had him in a class. Two other girls stood on either side of him, grinning at the camera with diplomas in hand. The one on the right was clearly Lenalee, her long dark hair cascading down her shoulders. The other was a gloomy looking girl Kanda did not recognize. Her black hair barely touched her shoulders and her eyeliner was so thick that she resembled a raccoon. All of their eyes were reddened by the flash of the camera, making the scowl of the raccoon girl appear demonic to Kanda.

"What are you looking at?" Allen asked him from behind, making Kanda jump. "My picture?"

"No!" Kanda spat, flustered as he hurriedly put the photo back on the fridge.

Allen laughed, "You don't have to be embarrassed about it. I'm flattered, really."

"Who said I was looking at you?" Kanda retorted, his cheeks painted a vivid rosy red.

"Well, the other two in that photo are girls, one of which you don't know since she's in the art department. Unless you secretly have a thing for Lenalee?" Allen mused.

"I do not!"

"You're blushing." 

"Because you... ugh." Kanda sighed, composing himself, "I have no such feelings for Lenalee, though I know she does for me."

Allen widened his eyes in surprise, "So you knew?"

"I'm not an idiot. Believe it or not, you two aren't the first to flirt with me."

"So why'd you turn her down?" Allen asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"This is our first time going out. I don't have to explain my decisions to you." Kanda grumbled.

"Then, I'm just going to assume that it's because you secretly like me more than you let on." Allen teased, the stiffness in his voice suddenly gone, "In fact, I think you liked me before I even asked you out."

"Tch. You can think whatever you want. Are you done with your little jealous spiel?"

"Oh, quite the contrary. I'm ready to bug you all night long at your house." Allen purred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Sorry for the on and off posting constantly. I rarely have any spare time thanks to university, so this chapter was kind of rushed despite the late date. Thank you for supporting me despite my flaws.**
> 
> **I'm going to be providing the link to the Teacher's Pet spotify playlist[here](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=yALjMphXQtWeHxC4CGfpkw), so if you're interested, go find it and save it to your playlists. Like I said before, it mostly consists of songs that give me vibes of my version of the characters. I really feel K.O. by Pabllo Viitar for Allen. I love singing along to it (keep in mind it's in Portuguese). **
> 
> **So, tell me what you guys think. How do you think things will go at Kanda's house? What do you think of Lenalee now that you've heard a little snippet from her past? Do you think this date will work out or do you think it will end in disaster? Please let me know!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: WARNING**
> 
> **SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD**
> 
> **Viewer discretion is advised.**

The only word Allen could think of to describe Kanda's house was "minamalistic". Most of what little furniture there was looked as if it had barely been used--as if each piece was new out of a box. There were almost no decorations either, except an old sword mounted on the wall above the TV and a faux lotus flower inside a glass case.

"What's that sword?" Allen asked curiously, noticing a bit of kanji scrawled into the wood it was mounted on.

"A family heirloom from my mother's side. It's called Mugen. According to an oral myth passed down in my family, it once held the power to slay demons." Kanda told him, a hint of pride in his voice.

"What does the kanji say?" 

Kanda raised his brows in surprise, "Not many people notice that. It's the kanji for Mugen's name. In English, I believe it means 'infinite'? Or at least that's what I was told. I'm not too good at reading kanji."

Allen nodded slowly, seeming mesmerized by the sword, "Where can I set my stuff?"

"The sofa is fine."

Peeling his eyes away from the sword, Allen glanced across the room. The more he looked around, the less the place felt like a home. There were no photos or pieces of art on the walls. There were no decorative throw pillows on the couch. Nothing laying on the coffee table alongside the lotus. There wasn't even a hint of dust anywhere. It was as if everything was brand new, and it somehow felt lonely and desolate to Allen.

Setting his stuff on the sofa, Allen spun around to face Kanda, "You wouldn't happen to be OCD for real, would you? I know I've made jokes about it, but..."

Kanda sighed, "No, only when it comes to my desk. I know what you're thinking."

"Oh?" Allen mused, "Not OCD but a psychic?"

"Tch. More like someone good at making deductions. The truth is I'm not here all that often."

"Not a psychic but a workaholic?"

"I suppose."

"At least I know you're not actually a serial killer." Allen teased, "Though I find it a little unfair that you got to see an old photo of me, yet you appear to have no photos for me to look at."

Kanda shifted uncomfortably, his arms crossed over his chest, "I have photos. They're just... not good memories."

"I see." Allen mused in a soft voice, "Then, you don't have to show me."

"They're nothing you'd want to see anyway. The last few photos I remember taking that weren't work related were with my ex." He sighed.

"I wouldn't mind." Allen said quietly, his cheeks dusted a light pink, "You two were married, right? It's to be expected that they were a big part of your life. I'm sure there were good memories along with the bad."

Kanda seemed to contemplate Allen's words for a moment, his deep blue eyes riddled with something Allen could not read, "Maybe if that second date happens."

Allen smirked, "Who's to say it won't?"

"We'll see."

"What a tease." Allen joked, stepping closer to Kanda.

Before Kanda could react, Allen's lips were against his. As if by instinct, Kanda's arms latched around Allen's waist, pulling him closer. Allen's fingers were tangled in Kanda's long, ebony hair, gently tugging.

_So this is it._ Kanda thought to himself. _This is how it ends. He gets what he wants and then he leaves._

Somehow, the two ended up on the couch and Allen's bag was pushed to the floor. Their hands roamed each other's bodies as the kisses became more intense, tongues intertwining. As Kanda pulled back to breathe, he saw Allen's flushed face staring back at him, panting with glossy lust-filled eyes. 

Slowly, Kanda lifted up Allen's shirt and pulled it over his head, leaving him exposed. His entire body was flushed and felt warm to the touch. Kanda felt heat rising to his cheeks as he gazed down at the man, his head spinning and heart racing. He had seen Allen's body earlier that day, but experiencing his body felt completely different. Somehow, the awkwardness that seemed to follow them throughout the day dissipated into lust.

Kanda's fingers traced over his toned abs and his lips found their way to Allen's chest. He felt the urge to explore every inch of Allen before the inevitable came--him leaving as soon as he got what he came for. He trailed kisses down Allen's chest and down his happy trail, stopping every now and then to leave his mark on him. As he inched closer towards his jeans, Allen spoke up in an almost inaudible voice, "Wait... Hold on." 

Surprised, Kanda moved away to let him sit up. Allen was still panting, his eyes clouded with a strange emotion.

"Allen..?" Kanda whispered, voice laced with concern.

"It's fine. You can't have all the fun, can you?" Allen smirked, though his voice sounded off.

Crawling over to Kanda, Allen straddled his lap. He reached for Kanda's shirt, but Kanda noticed his hands were trembling.

"Allen, stop." Kanda told him, grabbing his hands. "What's wrong? Did I do something?"

"What are you talking about? Nothing's wrong." Allen insisted, sounding somewhat agitated.

"You're shaking..." He whispered, looking into Allen's eyes, "You still are."

Allen's eyes softened, "...It's nothing. I promise."

"Nothing? You're shaking like a leaf... Do you need something? Is there a medication you take that I should know about?" 

"Kanda, stop. I'm fine. It's just been a while... that's all."

"If you don't want to do this, it's okay to say no." Kanda told him in a serious tone, "I won't force you to do anything you don't want to."

Allen's eyes widened in surprise, "I said--"

"I know what you said, but I also know when people lie to me." Kanda snapped.

Allen was quiet for a moment, a sea of emotions flickering through his silvery eyes.

"Please... tell me what's wrong."

"I... can't do that. I'm sorry."

"Well then, what can I do?"

"Huh?"

"Tell me what I can do to help." Kanda insisted, "I have tea if you want some. You can lay down and I can bring it to you." 

"Kanda... have you always been this motherly?" Allen chuckled.

"Shut up." Kanda rolled his eyes, "Just do as I say. I'm making chamomile since you insist on avoiding my questions."

"That's fine... Thank you."

"Tch."

Kanda marched to the kitchen, muttering something under his breath on the way. Allen glanced around the room, taking in the emptiness once again. Yet in that moment, the house he described as cold and lonely before felt warm and safe to him. 

He felt light like a feather, despite how badly he was trembling. Images of the night that haunted him kept flashing by in his mind, but being with Kanda made him feel less afraid of the shadow in his memories. 

When Kanda returned with two cups of tea, he set one in front of Allen and turned on the TV. After a bit of idle chatter, Allen stopped shaking and drank the rest of his tea. His head had somehow ended up on Kanda's shoulder, and he could feel his eyelids getting heavy. 

Then, he fell asleep.

Kanda sat like that for a while, with Allen pressed against him snoring quietly. He stared absentmindedly at the TV, lost in his thoughts. 

He wondered what had gone through Allen's head to make him shake so violently and if it had anything to do with something he did. He also felt confused and worried about what Allen's intentions were. Before, he figured he was just going through a phase that would end in a quick fuck and him moving onto the next guy. But after seeing him look so frightened, Kanda wasn't so sure that was the case anymore.

Stealing a glimpse of Allen's tranquil expression, Kanda wondered what Allen was hiding from him. He wanted to know, but he also didn't want to force anything between them.

Instead, he let it go for the time being and sipped the rest of his tea as Allen slept peacefully by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Two consecutive posts? Wow, watch me go. I felt a bit of inspiration for the first time in a while and stayed up late to write some chapters in advance. I had them all planned out in my head, just had trouble motivating myself to sit down and write them properly. Since I often go on hiatus, I figured I would use my spring break to get caught up with some of the plans I originally intended for this story.**
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> **So, what do you think? This chapter is kind of messy, but I tried my best to make it readable!**
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> **Did you appreciate the Mugen Easter egg? What do you think the deal with Allen is and why do you think he suddenly started shaking? What do you think of Kanda's perception of Allen? Do you think it's valid given what other characters have had to say about him, or do you think Kanda is being small-minded and too quick to judge?**
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> **Let me know in the comments!**
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> __  
> [Click for the spotify playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=epyz0QgTR7auiJwMWI1CGQ)  
> 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: WARNING**
> 
> **Mentions of trauma in italics.**
> 
> **Viewer discretion is advised.**

_Allen was barely conscious after the bomb went off. He could not even recall where the explosion came from. His vision faded in and out. He could smell the smoke and feel the pain of the fire and the shrapnel embedded in his skin. He could vaguely hear voices all around him through the ringing in his ears._

_He could not move. His body was too heavy for him and he could feel the fire roasting him alive. He heard voices all around him and yet nothing was being done. He had succumbed to death in his delirium, despite his body begging for him to move._

_The seatbelt that was supposed to keep him safe made him feel like prey tied to a skewer, ready for cooking. He could not feel his legs, and the fire had begun to burn through his clothes._

_Then, there was a crash. Someone had broken his window, and he could hear them trying to call out to him. He recognized the voice, but he could only grunt in response. The seatbelt restraining him suddenly fell loose, having been cut. A pair of strong arms reached inside to yank him out, getting burnt in the process. Suddenly, he was wrapped in a fire blanket, the flames successfully extinguished._

_"Sprout? Can you hear me?" Kanda shouted, slapping Allen's cheek. He sounded so distant. "What are you all standing around for!? Call a fucking ambulance!"_

_"Stay with me, Sprout. The ambulance will be here soon. You're going to be fine."_

Allen's eyes snapped open, widened with panic. Jolting up, it took him a moment to realize he was still at Kanda's house on his couch. He was still half-naked, but a blanket was draped over him. 

"Kanda?" Allen called out.

"In the kitchen." 

Allen followed the sound of Kanda's voice, peering around a corner to find him standing in front of the stove. The smell of eggs wafted through the air, making Allen's stomach growl.

"Do you feel better?" Kanda asked in a deep, raspy voice.

"Yeah..."

Kanda was dressed in only sweatpants, his long hair tied up in a sloppy top knot. Allen's eyes trailed down Kanda's body, blood rushing to his cheeks. 

He was fit with rippling abs and muscular arms. A large black tattoo decorated one of his pecs, surprising Allen. 

"Want a picture?" Kanda smirked, feeling Allen's eyes on him.

"That's for the second date, remember?" 

"Tch." Kanda glanced back at him, blushing slightly when he met Allen's eyes. 

"What?"

"You're covered."

"Huh?"

"In hickies." 

Allen smirked, "Whose fault is that?"

Kanda ignored his remark, grabbing a pair of plates out of the cabinet above him. "I made you something to eat, so go sit at the table."

"Say no more, Professor." 

"Tch."

Allen did as he was told, his eyes downcast as he examined the marks Kanda had left on his body. A slight feeling of embarrassment swelled in his chest as he remembered how badly his hands were shaking the night before. He thought he would be okay since he wanted Kanda so badly, but it seemed the past still had a lingering effect on him.

Allen was snapped out of his thoughts when Kanda set a plate in front of him.

"This is... omurice?" Allen seemed amused.

"What? Is there a problem?" 

"No... I'm just surprised."

"In Japan, it's a favorite among children. Figured a kid like you would like it." Kanda shrugged.

"Ha. Funny." Allen rolled his eyes and took a bite of his food, gazing at Kanda with a curious look. "You said before you had the option to live in Japan, right? You seem pretty proud of your heritage, so why didn't you?"

Kanda seemed to ponder the question for a moment, "Well... As you could probably tell from my eye color, I'm only half Japanese. My parents met when my mother went overseas to study abroad in America. After her first year there, my mother found out she was pregnant with me."

He took a bite of his food before continuing, "When my grandparents found out about me, they insisted my mother go back to Japan to have me. However, my mom was somewhat rebellious and decided to stay in America with my father. They got married, had me, and got divorced when I was around ten or so."

"I see... I'm sorry to hear that." Allen murmured, leaning forward with intrigue, "So did your mother decide to go back home after the divorce?"

"Yeah... She asked me if I wanted to go live in Japan with her or stay in America with my dad. I seriously thought about it for a while. I even went overseas to speak with a couple of schools in Japan."

"So, what happened? What made you choose?"

Kanda shrugged, "Back then, I didn't like to draw attention to myself. My eyes would have made me stand out too much. I also wasn't too fond of the super strict rules at any of the schools."

"What?" Allen asked incredulously, a smirk plastered on his face, "I thought you loved rules." 

"Tch. Well then, you thought wrong." Kanda scoffed. 

"What does that mean? Did you go through a rebellious phase?" Allen chuckled, amused.

"If only you knew." Kanda muttered, "I did a lot of dumb shit before I got married."

Allen raised his brows in surprise, "I can't imagine you doing anything without calculating a million ways things could go wrong. Just like you did when you were training me."

Kanda had a small smile on his face, crow's feet creasing at the corners of his eyes, "You can make calculations all you want, but that doesn't mean you'll always get the answer you want."

"What do you mean?"

Kanda shrugged, "Interpret it how you want."

Allen stared at Kanda long and hard, "You know, you're a lot more interesting than you let on."

"Are you implying I was boring before?"

"No. I just like learning about you."

"Tch. You're as cliche as your writing." Kanda scoffed, though his cheeks were dusted a light pink. "What about you?"

"Huh?"

"You've barely told me anything about yourself."

Allen shifted awkwardly in his seat, "Well... what would you like to know? I already told you about Lenalee, and you know all about... this." He gestured towards his discolored arm.

"You know about my family now. What about yours?"

"Uh..." Allen twirled a loose strand of hair around his finger, "I don't really have one... Well, I never met them."

"O-oh..." Kanda stuttered, "I didn't mean--"

"No, no. It doesn't bother me." Allen assured him, plastering a smile on his face, "I ended up with another big family of people from many different backgrounds."

"I see... What are they like?"

"Odd." Allen chuckled, "The man that acted as my primary guardian would go wherever he pleased without telling me half the time, not that I minded it. Whenever he was home, he was usually drunk. He was a funny drunk though, so I never minded that either. I had my older cousin to look after me."

"How do you stay so positive?" Kanda sighed.

Allen looked surprised, "I don't. I'm actually quite pessimistic."

"But it doesn't show in the slightest. You always appear so confident."

"Are you envious?" Allen teased.

Kanda rolled his eyes but said nothing, standing up to gather their empty plates.

"That eyeroll tells me yes." Allen smirked, watching Kanda set the dishes in the sink.

He stood from his seat, coming to stand behind Kanda. He felt Kanda tense up as he wrapped his arms around his waist. Resting his chin on Kanda's shoulder, Allen whispered in a singsong voice, "So, about that second date...?"

"Tch. Who said there would be one?"

"I doubt you'd want to get to know me if you weren't interested." Allen chuckled, pressing his lips against Kanda's neck. 

"What are you--?" Kanda murmured, his ears perking up when he heard the sound of his front door.

"Yu, are you here?" Lavi called out.

Instinctively, Kanda shoved Allen off of him, his face beet red. Allen stared in the direction of Lavi's voice, looking amused.

"Bookman has a key to your house?" He smirked, "I gotta say I'm jealous."

"Shut up, you idiot." Kanda snapped. "He's never going to let me live this down if he sees us."

The sound of Lavi's footprints grew closer with every second.

"Yu?" 

"Go away!" Kanda shouted down the hall.

"That's harsh, man. I came to check up on you." Lavi called back to him, setting foot in the living room. 

He immediately noticed the blanket draped over the edge of the couch and a bag on the nearby floor. His eyes lingered on a tshirt dangling off the coffee table, a smirk forming on his face.

"Say no more, Yu, you stud!" He snickered to himself, spinning on his heels to march back to his car. "Enjoy yourselves, boys!"

Kanda groaned, "He's such an idiot."

"I think he's funny." Allen mused.

"You would."  Kanda grumbled.

"At the very least, I appreciate how flustered he made you. Your face was the reddest I've ever seen it."

"Shut up."

"You looked so cute."

"You shouldn't call a grown man 'cute'."

"Sorry, my mistake. Adorable then." Allen smirked.

"Tch."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Wow, you made it to the end! Congrats! This chapter was kind of long and a little boring because I wanted Allen and Kanda to get to know each other a bit to make up for the awkwardness of their date. Still had to make things awkward though, because I secretly like to see my boys suffer Lavi's antics.**
> 
> **I hope you still enjoyed it nevertheless!**
> 
> **How do you feel about Allen and Kanda's relationship so far? Do you think Kanda is still on edge about Allen's intentions? Seeing more of Allen's thoughts, do you understand Allen's feelings for Kanda a bit more? What did you think of the snippet of Kanda's history, and why do you think Allen barely talks about his own?**
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**
> 
> _[Click here for the spotify playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=x-jk95SvTHmSrvCChF3A4w) _


	15. Chapter 15

Allen left after a while, only staying long enough to chitchat for another hour or so after Lavi waltzed off. In that short time, Kanda had learned many little things about him.

He learned that he preferred coffee over tea. He learned that he could speak Portuguese. He learned that he liked classic rock music. He learned that he frequented a gym most week days to make up for his insanely large appetite.

He learned all these small things, yet he still felt as if he knew nothing about him. Whenever they seemed to get on serious topics, Allen was less likely to talk and more likely to listen. Kanda was curious as to why, but he reasoned with himself that most people did not speak so freely on first dates. At least, he did not recall speaking so earnestly on his first date with Alma.

But, Allen was different from Alma in many ways. Where Kanda thought Alma was straightforward, he found Allen more mysterious with many different sides to figure out.

With a sigh, Kanda sat at his desk, his mind far away from the work he had to do. His eyes landed on a picture frame lying face down by his desktop, and he felt a heaviness settle on his shoulders as he reached to turn it over. 

Gazing at the photo made him feel as if he had been chained to a weight and dropped into the ocean. Alma's blue eyes stared back at him, a bright sincere smile on his face as he clung onto Kanda's arm. 

Kanda never had the heart to throw out the photo despite how awful it made him feel to look at it. 

_"Why do you have to be this way all the time!? I don't need to hear this from you!"_ He could practically hear Alma's voice shouting in his ear.

"Tch." He shoved the photo in one of his drawers, dropping his head into his hands. "Why am I still thinking about it?" 

_Buzz. Buzz._

Kanda's ears perked up at the sound of his phone vibrating against the desk.

"I swear to God, Lavi..." He mumbled to himself, expecting another giant paragraph of teasing.

As he snatched up his phone, he was surprised to find that it was Allen texting him so soon after leaving. 

**Bean Sprout: I never got an answer, ya know ;P**

**Kanda: What?**

**Bean Sprout: about our second date, duh.**

**Kanda: Bold of you to assume I wanted to go on one.**

**Bean Sprout: oh please, ik you're dying to see me again. ;)**

**Kanda: Maybe in your dreams.**

**Bean Sprout: no, my dreams about you are usually naughtier...**

Kanda felt heat creep up his neck and onto his cheeks.

**Kanda: Pervert.**

**Bean Sprout: only when it comes to you ;) ...meet me for coffee after work on Monday? My treat.**

**Kanda: ...I'll be swamped until 6.**

**Bean Sprout: I'm a patient man, Prof.**

**Kanda: Suit yourself.**

**Bean Sprout: It's a date then. See you tomorrow. <3**

_He's so bold in comparison._ Kanda thought, glancing at the drawer he shoved Alma's photo in. His fingertips grazed the spot where Allen had kissed his neck earlier. _I kind of like it._

************************************

Allen had a wide grin on his face when he arrived back at his apartment building. Kanda had agreed to go on a simple coffee date with him, and he felt relieved for it. Part of him had been worried that he would reject his offer after what happened the night prior. 

As he trudged up the stairwell, he glanced up to see a familiar face.

"Hey, Allen." Diana greeted him, "How was your date?"

"Hey. It was all right."

"Just all right?" She prodded, pointing at his neck, "You have a giant hickey." 

"Shit. It's that noticeable?"

"Very."

Allen sighed, "Well, it's not what you think."

"Sure. Whatever you say." She smirked, "Well, I really have to get going. I have a shift in half an hour."

"Have fun."

"I won't." 

As they walked past each other, Diana turned to call out to him again, "Oh, and Allen?"

"Yeah?"

"Lena was looking for you. Just thought you should know."

"Of course she is." He mumbled.

Diana frowned but said nothing, hurrying down the rest of the stairs to get to the parking lot. Allen marched up the rest of the way to his floor, his bag slung over his shoulder. 

When he got to his door, he saw an envelope sitting atop his doormat. His name was written on it, but there appeared to be no sender listed. Quirking a curious brow, Allen swiped it off the ground and unlocked his door, stepping inside.

"Krory?" Allen called, "I'm home." 

Krory peered around the corner from the hallway, "Hey! How'd things go with the professor?" 

"Awkward, but he agreed to a second date. So, I guess not all bad." 

"That's good at least." Krory smiled, following Allen into the kitchen. "What's that in your hand? Did you go to our mailbox already?"

"No, it was just sitting in front of our door when I got here. There's no return address listed though." 

"That's strange."

"Yeah." Allen muttered, tearing the letter open. 

Inside, he found two crumpled 20 dollar bills alongside a piece of notebook paper. Unfolding the paper, he began to read.

**Allen,**

**I'm in town again. Come see me. You know where to look.**

**Cross**

**P.S. Use the cash wisely.**

"Who's it from?" Krory asked, peering over Allen's shoulder.

"One of my parents, I guess you could say." He answered, plucking the bills out of the envelope.

"Huh. I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your parents before." Krory mused, "Are you going to see them?"

Allen sighed, "I guess so. You'd think the man would just call instead of going to the trouble of dropping this by." 

"Not like you'd answer the call anyway." Krory teased, moving away to pour a cup of coffee.

"Tch." Allen covered his mouth, widening his eyes. _Great. Now he's got me doing it too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: I am almost caught up to where I wanted to be. Thank you for joining me on my sleep-deprived writing extravaganza.**
> 
>  
> 
> **So, what do you think? What do you think is going through Kanda's head as he thinks about Alma vs. Allen? Why do you think Lenalee is searching for Allen? Why do you think Cross suddenly wants to see Allen?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**
> 
>  
> 
> _  
> [Click here for the Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=OBgkkYQWQMSxm5-YxfDhiQ)  
>  ___  
> 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
>  [Click here for the Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=sAPBmAudQsW0kn2IJ5amlw)   
> 

Allen woke up to the sound of a light knocking on his door. Groaning, he sat up from his bed and checked the time on his phone. He didn't have to be at work for another three hours, meaning it was too early to be awake. 

Cursing under his breath, he got up and snatched a pair of sweatpants out of his dresser. Once he was dressed, he opened his door to find Lenalee.

"What?" He hissed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

She did not seem phased by his snappiness, but her eyes narrowed as they lingered on his bare chest.

"Krory let me in." She told him, a stiffness in her tone. "I was going to see if you wanted to go out for coffee and tell me about your date, but I can see it went well."

Allen stared at her for a while, unsure of what she meant at first. Then, his eyes drifted to where hers were trained. The love bites Kanda had left on him were dark and prominent on his skin.

"Oh? Do these bother you?" Allen asked in a mocking tone. 

"Not at all. I'm just not surprised to see you sleaze out on the first date."

Allen rolled his eyes, "Get over yourself. It's my body. I can do what I want with it, whether you like it or not."

"Whatever." Lenalee muttered, "I knew you weren't going to take things seriously anyway."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you never take your relationships seriously! You never have, even after what happened to you!"

"Oh, please. Cry me a river." Allen scoffed, "This isn't even about me!"

"What do you mean?"

"You know _exactly_ what I mean."

Lenalee bit her lip, "If you don't want to be friends with me anymore, why don't you just say so?" 

"I should be saying that to you." 

They stared at each long and hard, chests puffed up in anger.

Allen sighed, "Just what the hell do you want from me, Lena...? We can't play this game forever."

"Even if I told you, would things really change?" She asked in a soft voice. "I think I need to go."

Without thinking, Allen made a grab for her wrist, making her flinch. 

"What--?" She began, but Allen cut her off.

"You can't run away from me forever." He told her, his eyes fierce. "We need to talk."

"I think we've talked enough." She snapped, snatching her wrist away from him. "But you know damn well I'm not the one running away from their problems." 

With that, she turned to stomp down the hall. The sound of the door slamming echoed through the apartment.

"Allen...? Everything okay...?" Krory asked nervously, "She seemed pretty mad..."

"Don't worry about it. I'll talk with her later." He sighed, closing his bedroom door behind him. 

Jumping onto his bed, Allen stared at the ceiling, unable to focus on anything but the frustration building in his chest. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

************************************

"Wait, so you guys didn't have sex?" Lavi sounded disappointed.

"No, so you can stop spamming me with winking emojis." Kanda grumbled, flipping through a textbook.

"That's no fun, Yu. I was expecting juicier details." He whined.

"Tch. Sounds like a personal problem."

"I picked out such nice clothes for you. The least you could have done for me is get laid."

"I had a chance to." Kanda muttered, "Just couldn't take it."

Lavi's ears perked up, "Wait, so he wanted to? And you just said no?" 

Kanda glanced up at him, a frown on his face. "No... It wasn't like that."

"So, what happened?" Lavi asked, leaning forward with intrigue.

Color flooded Kanda's cheeks, "We were close to... you know."

"Yeah? Go on."

"Then, he stopped me for a minute. I noticed he was trembling and had this faraway look on his face, so I asked him if he was okay." Kanda paused for a moment, furrowing his brows. "He said he was, but I could tell he was lying because he looked like he was gonna cry or something."

Lavi had a serious look on his face, looking as if he were lost in his thoughts.

"So..." Kanda continued, shrugging. "I stopped, and at first, he seemed mad about it... I know I may seem like an idiot, but--"

"No." Lavi interrupted, "You did the right thing. That's serious stuff."

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, I don't really know the kid, so I can't say this with certainty, but... Yu, that sounds like symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder."

Kanda's eyes widened, "What?"

"Like I said, I can't be sure, but what you described to me is reminiscent of victims of sexual violence. I saw it firsthand when I worked with the police and quite frequently when I worked at the university's mental health clinic as well. Patients often reported crying suddenly during sex acts or becoming unresponsive. Other reported symptoms often included sudden feelings of agitation when asked about the stressor, bouts of anxiety or depression, and frequent nightmares." 

"My advice as your friend and as a psychologist," Lavi continued, "is to take things slow with him, if you decide to take this dating thing seriously. Because as you of all people know, healing takes time more than anything."

************************************

"Wow. You look like shit." A deep voice rumbled as Allen drew closer. 

"And you look drunk, as per usual." Allen countered, taking a seat across from the redheaded man. "So, what's this about?" 

Cross glanced up at him, a smirk on his face, "You, actually."

Allen quirked a curious brow, "Me? We haven't seen each other for two years." 

"I was at your graduation." Cross reminded him.

Allen scoffed, "Yeah, for like five minutes. You didn't even stay for my speech."

Cross shrugged, "I still showed up."

Allen rolled his eyes, "Well, while we're here, why don't you take this back?" He tossed two crumpled 20 dollar bills on the table.

Cross frowned, "That was a gift."

"I don't need it. It's only pity money, and I don't need your pity either."

"Idiot. There's a fine line between pity and worry." He growled.

"By all means, enlighten me then. I find it hard to believe you would go to such trouble to find me simply out of worry."

"I know about the son of a bitch that did that to you." Cross motioned to Allen's arm. "I heard all about it. So, why'd you drop the charges?"

Allen's face visibly paled, though his voice remained firm, "I don't have to explain for you to know the answer to that."

"You let him get away with it, and for what?"

"For my safety." Allen spat, "What else?"

"You know damn well he'll just do it again. Maybe not to you, but to someone else."

"So you expect me to lay my life on the line for a hypothetical situation?" Allen shouted across the table at him. "Like what happened to my arm was not enough of a message?"

"No, I just want that bastard behind bars, damn it!" Cross exclaimed, banging his fist against the table with a loud thud.

"...What does it matter to you anyway?"

"No matter how you feel about me, you're still my son on legal documents."

"So what?"

"So, I have every right to worry about you when I damn well please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Ayyyye Daddy Cross is in the hizz-house, amiright?**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Things are narrowing down on Allen. His past is slowly coming unraveled. Hopefully, you've paid enough attention thus far to be able to tell.**
> 
>  
> 
> **So, what are your thoughts? How did the fight between Allen and Lenalee make you feel? What about Lavi's possible revelation to Kanda? And Cross and Allen's relationship?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Click here for the Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/kcielphantomhive/playlist/0vjmAQyEHGBl2ulzITk5uU?si=p10hzP_vRc2zcwIbC5G3FA) ___

Kanda felt exhausted as he carried a box of materials from his last class to his office. 

What Lavi said to him earlier had weighed on his mind throughout the day, making it harder for him to concetrate on his lectures. His mind kept wandering to thoughts of Allen ever since he last saw him the day prior. Allen's behavior during their time spent together made more and more sense the longer he thought about Lavi's deduction--the hesitancy to talk about himself, the mood swings, the trembling, etc. It all began to click into place in Kanda's mind, and he felt he was able to understand the man more than he had thus far. 

Sure enough, as he approached his office, Kanda noticed Allen waiting for him outside the door, his eyes glued to his phone. When he glanced up, he met Kanda's eyes and gave him his signature smirk.

"Hey, Professor." 

"Hey yourself." He sighed, pulling out his keys to unlock his office door.

"You look tired." Allen observed.

"It's been a long day."

"Tell me about it..." Allen murmured, following Kanda into his office.

Setting the box on top of his desk, Kanda turned to look at Allen. The other man's eyes appeared red and puffy, as if he had been crying. Kanda decided it was best not to mention it.

"Were you waiting long?" Kanda asked him, grabbing his bag from his chair.

"No. I had a meeting with someone shortly before I came here, so I was only waiting for five minutes or so."

"Good. Ready?" 

"Are you not going to put your stuff up?"

"It can wait." Kanda waved dismissively, "Let's go."

As the pair walked out of the office, Kanda turned to lock the door again. A blonde girl with a purple ribbon in her hair walked past them, making Allen grow rigid when he saw her. Fortunately for him, she seemed not to notice him staring.

"What's up with you?" Kanda asked him when they started walking again, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Ah, nothing." Allen replied, composing himself. "I just have had a lot on my mind today."

"Oh? Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Allen muttered. "Maybe later."

"All right."

A long silence settled between them as they walked. The café they were heading to was within sight soon enough.

Allen cleared his throat, "Kanda?"

"Yeah?"

"I... uh..." He appeared flustered, his face as red as a beet. "I never apologized for what happened..."

Kanda quirked a brow, unsure of what he was referring to.

"The other night. When we... you know." 

"Oh." Kanda blushed, "There's nothing to apologize for." 

"Yeah? Well... I wanted to thank you too."

"For what?" Kanda scoffed, "I didn't do anything." 

"You had the opportunity to take advantage of me, but you didn't." Allen told him, his eyes downcast. "Thank you for that." 

Kanda furrowed his brows, "That's not something to thank me for. You should never have to do something you don't want to do."

Allen blinked in surprise, "But I did. Want to, I mean. I just... I don't know what I'm trying to say."

"You don't have to say anything." Kanda whispered, "I understand what you mean." 

Allen smiled, his eyes soft. Kanda felt his heart leap in his throat at the sight of that smile. 

"You're a lot kinder than people give you credit for."

"Tch. If you say so."

"Oh, I do." Allen smirked as they arrived in front of the café. He held the door open for Kanda. "Your personality is as nice as your body, which is _extremely_ nice if I do say so myself." 

Kanda rolled his eyes, "There are people here. Don't make me wash your mouth out." 

Allen grinned, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, "Or you could spank me whenever I'm bad." 

Kanda scoffed, walking to a table with Allen following suit. As they seated themselves, a short stout girl in an apron waltzed over to them with a notepad in hand.

"What can I get you two?" She asked in a cheerful voice.

"Just a black coffee." Kanda answered, shuffling through his bag.

Allen gave her a sweet smile, making the waitress blush, "A chai latte for me, love."

"Will this be on the same ticket?" She asked.

"N--" Kanda began, but Allen cut him off. "Yes, I'll be paying."

She smiled, "I'll be sure to give you my discount, Allen." 

"Oh, thanks so much!" 

"Anything for you!" She gushed, walking away with a big grin on her face.

Kanda was staring across the table at him.

"What?" Allen asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Why is it that everyone we run into seems to know you?" Kanda asked, his blue eyes glimmering with curiosity. "What's more is that they all seem enamored with you too. Like the vagrants and street performers you spoke with on the way to your apartment."

Allen could feel heat creep onto his face from the way Kanda was staring at him so intensely. "I don't know. I just talk to everyone the same way, I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was young," Allen began, "I didn't have much, and I was picked on a lot because of it. When I'd walk down my street and see some of the homeless people, I felt like I understood them in a way."

The girl stopped by to drop off their drinks, shooting Allen a toothy grin. "Enjoy!"

"Thanks, love." He returned her smile.

When she left, he continued, "So, I made it a point to say hello whenever I passed by, and they would say it back. I knew they were going through hard times too, so when I had money to spare, I would share it with them. It made things less lonely, and they eventually would learn my name and make small talk with me. Some would even help me out if they saw me struggling carrying something, or if a bully was messing with me. In a way, those strangers became my family." 

Allen shrugged, "When I got older, I kept those people in mind. I tried to treat others like they were my family, so long as they didn't abuse my kindness."

"Were those people on our walk part of that family?" Kanda asked him. 

"Some." Allen answered, taking a sip of his latte. 

"I'll have to say hello next time." He said almost inaudibly, making Allen smile.

"Oh? Does this mean you're beginning to fall for me, Professor?" He teased.

"Tch. Don't push your luck, kid." Kanda smirked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: My spring break ends soon, so updates won't be so frequent in a few days. Thanks for sticking by me either way!**
> 
> **So, do you think Allen and Kanda's relationship is progressing? Do you think Allen will speak as openly in the future as he did in this chapter? What do you think was up with the blonde girl with the purple ribbon? Why do you think Allen reacted to the sight of her the way he did?**
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Mention of Japanese honorifics ahead. Note that "ka-chan" is not to be mistaken for "Kacchan" from Boku no Hero Academia lol. "Ka-chan" is an informal way of saying "Mom" while "Kacchan" is a nickname for boys whose name begins with "Katsu". Had to clarify since my bf brought it up lol.  
>  ^-^"**

As Kanda walked through the front door of his house, he loosened his tie and let out a long sigh. After setting his bag on the couch, he marched to the bathroom to turn on the shower.

Waiting for the water to get hot, Kanda let his hair down and stripped off his clothes. 

It was late. Allen and he had spent the evening talking longer than he anticipated. He had been exhausted at the café, and it was clear that Allen had been too. After listening to the kid talk, however, Kanda felt rejuvenated somehow. He could not be certain if it was Allen's doing or if it was the caffeine's. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to hear him talk some more.

Putting his hand in the stream of the water, Kanda felt that it had grown nice and warm. He stepped inside the shower, letting it soak through his long ebony hair. The wet hair stuck to his skin.

_"Yu-chan, your hair is so nice and pretty. I'm envious! It makes me not want to cut it! Such pretty hair is wasted on a troublesome boy like you!" His mother teased him, brushing his hair out of his face._

_"Ka-chan!" The young boy groaned, his cheeks stained pink, "You're embarrassing me!"_

_His mother giggled, waving a dismissive hand, "It's my job as your mother to embarrass you."_

Kanda could not help but to crack a small smile at the memory as he lathered his hair in shampoo. _It's such a pain, but I couldn't cut what she loved even when Alma wanted me to._ He thought, leaning his head back to rinse.

_"Professor, why do you keep your hair long?" Allen had asked him one day._

_Allen looked so different back then. He was short with a mop of light brown hair. There wasn't a single mark on his porcelain skin._

_"Why does it matter?" Kanda spat, "Just grade the papers I told you to grade, and be quiet."_

_Allen smirked, "I was just thinking that you'd make a pretty girl is all."_

_"Tch. Get back to work, Sprout!" Kanda barked._

"He was just as provoking then..." Kanda mused aloud.

_Before Kanda could react, Allen's lips were against his. As if by instinct, Kanda's arms latched around Allen's waist, pulling him closer. Allen's fingers were tangled in Kanda's long, ebony hair, gently tugging._

He felt heat rise to his cheeks. _Provoking was an understatement,_ he told himself, _but she would have liked him._

************************************

Lavi stared at the large bulletin board, studying the crime map built on it. Red strings stretched across it, from crime scene photos to news articles to geographical maps decorated with pins. 

He had received a call from the local police department earlier in the day, in which they asked if he'd be willing to act as a consultant for a case involving a string of car bombings. Of course, Lavi, always having had a morbid fascination with the darker side of humanity, could not refuse. After he was done at the university, he had immediately made his way to the station, where he was greeted by a familiar face.

"So, what do you make of it, Lavi?" Chief Komui asked him, sipping from a mug with a pink bunny on it as he stared at the bulletin with a detached expression.

"Well," Lavi began, his eyes trained on the photos of the victims, "At the very least, it's safe to say he's getting more confident. The time span between each bombing seems to get shorter and shorter."

He pointed at the latest photo, "This is his first kill. Each victim beforehand was only critically injured, which could mean that he's not necessarily trying to kill them."

"But don't the M.O.'s of car bombers typically align with those of terrorists? The goal being to do as much damage as possible?" Komui interrupted.

"If that were the case, wouldn't he try to make his bombs more efficient? Most car bombers manage to kill the people they're targeting as well as injure surrounding civilians. He's only killed one person, and it wasn't even directly caused by the bomb. The autopsy report declared he died from smoke inhalation after being trapped in the car." 

"So, you're saying we're looking at something completely different?" 

"It may not even be about the bombings. The victims are all college kids between the ages 18 to 24, they're all male, and they all have similar physical characteristics. I think they may all represent someone to the bomber." 

"So, where should we start?" Komui asked.

"Perhaps with the original victim." Lavi mused, "He might be our best bet."

Komui's expression darkened, "That might be a bit difficult."

"Why's that?" 

"Our first victim refused to work with the police after he was hospitalized. He seemed to be under the impression that his life was in danger, and even after he was offered police protection, he refused to speak with us. My little sister told me not to let anyone bother him after that since they happen to be close friends."

"I see..." Lavi murmured, "Is this him?"

"That's right."

The photo Lavi plucked off the board featured a guy with light brown hair and silver eyes. The skin from one of his arms up to his shoulder had been burnt off. 

"Oh shit..." Lavi muttered under his breath.

************************************

When Kanda got out of the shower and walked into the living room, he heard his phone buzzing incessantly in his bag. As he dug it out, the phone's screen glowed eerily.

**_3 Missed Calls from Lavi Bookman_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Dun, dun, DUN!**
> 
> **I was planning on Kanda doing some unsavory things in that shower before, but then decided random shower thoughts felt more appropriate. (Forgive me).**
> 
> **But ahhhhh memories, don't you just love them even when they scar us for life?**
> 
> **So, thoughts on Kanda's... thoughts? How do you feel about Lavi onboard with a police investigation, more specifically one that Allen's involved in?**
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**


	19. Chapter 19

_"Allen... I'm so sorry..." Lenalee sobbed at Allen's bedside, gently holding onto his bandaged arm._

_"Hey, don't cry." Allen cooed in a soft voice, "You have nothing to apologize for."_

_"I didn't say anything even though I saw--" Her voice cracked, "I was complicit, and you got hurt."_

_"You were scared. You can't blame yourself for that."_

_"But look what he's done to you, Allen! If I had said something sooner, this would have never happened!"_

_"It would have, actually." Allen's eyes darkened, "It just would have happened to you too."_

_"Still, I--"_

_"Enough. If it had happened to you, I would have never forgiven myself for it. That's why I need you to keep quiet, no matter who did this. I don't care that you saw their face. All I care about is you staying safe."_

_"But that's not fair, Allen! You know it's not!" Lenalee shouted, tears streaming down her face. "You let these people get away with everything they do to you and expect me not to help you at all! Just like in high school! Why can't you just trust me?"_

_"I'm sorry... Just please, Lena... Just this last time. Please don't say anything. You know what they're capable of."_

_"Why can't you just let me protect you?" She murmured, "I don't want to see you like this ever again because I still love you... Why can't you just understand that?"_

Allen woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing against his nightstand. He was surprised to find a message from Kanda. 

**Kanda: Allen, can you come by my office today?**

Allen's eyes widened at the text. Kanda had never messaged him first, and he only called him by name when he was serious about something. His heart was already pounding as his mind leapt to every worst-case scenario.

**Allen: I can... What's up? Miss me?**

He tried to joke like he normally would in order to calm his nerves, but he felt the suffocating anticipation building in his chest as he waited for a response.

**Kanda: Just come, please.**

_He never says "please"._ Allen thought frantically, hopping off his bed to get ready for the day. His phone buzzed again, and he snatched it from his nightstand fully expecting it to be Kanda. It was Diana instead.

**Diana: Coffee run??? :D**

**Allen: I need 5. And possibly 3 energy drinks with a side of heart failure.**

**Diana: Whoa. U alright dude??**

**Allen: I hope so.**

**Diana: Huh? Wait what do you mean??**

He left her on read, too caught up in his anxiety to mess around with anyone. 

Marching to his closet, he pulled out the first black t-shirt that he saw and a pair of gray skinny jeans. Once he was dressed, he examined himself in the mirror.

His white hair was mussed up, his darker roots a little too noticeable for his liking. He decided to opt for a black beanie rather than dealing with it.

Hurrying to the bathroom, he quickly brushed his teeth and put on some deodorant. When he was done, he rushed out to grab a pair of socks and slipped on his favorite pair of black sneakers.

He took a deep breath to try to calm himself when he heard a knock on his door. Swinging it open, he came face to face with Diana.

"You left me on read." She glared at him, her emerald eyes narrowed into slits.

"Sorry, but I really don't have time right now." Allen told her, stepping outside of the apartment with her.

She quirked a curious brow, "What's going on? Anxiety again?"

"You could say that." He muttered.

"I heard Lena and you got in another fight. Is that why?" 

"No, actually. She's the least of my worries at the moment."

Diana's brows furrowed, "Somehow, I don't believe you. She seemed pretty upset when I talked to her." 

"Look, can we talk later?" Allen pleaded, "I really got to go."

"Okay, okay." Diana held her hands up in defense. "Go, but please make up with her soon. You two put me and Miranda in an awkward position whenever you guys fight."

"Yeah, yeah. I will." Allen told her, already halfway down the hall.

"Oh? And Allen?" She called to him one last time.

"Yeah?"

"Say hello to the professor for me." She teased.

Allen furrowed his brows, "...Sure."

************************************

"He is coming, right?" Lavi asked, flipping through his case file.

"He said he was." Kanda muttered, staring out the window with a dark expression on his face. "Is this really necessary? If the kid didn't want to talk about it with the police, do you really think he'll say anything to us?"

"Maybe not to me, but to you, possibly." Lavi answered, glancing at his friend. "Look, I know this isn't easy, but you're involved with this case as much as he is. I don't think he'll talk to me alone."

"I know that, but..."

"You saw what this guy did to him firsthand. It's happened to others too, and now someone is dead because of it. Surely, Allen will understand that, Yu." 

Kanda was silent.

Then, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Kanda called.

Allen swung open the door, his eyes darting between Lavi and Kanda. He had a confused look on his face.

"Uh... What's going on?" Allen asked, closing the door behind him.

"Allen, why don't you take a seat right over there?" Lavi said in his best Chris Hansen voice.

Kanda rolled his eyes, "Lavi."

"All right, all right. Sheesh." Lavi motioned for Allen to sit, giving him a bright smile, "Yu is no fun, huh?"

Allen sat in front of Lavi, still looking confused as ever, "What's this about?" 

His gaze shifted to Kanda, searching his eyes. Kanda felt his chest tighten, feeling guilty even though he knew he had no reason to.

"I don't know if Yu's ever told you, Allen, but I worked with law enforcement before I became a professor here." Lavi told him. "Sometimes, I still get called on as a consultant for higher profile cases."

"Okay...?" Allen said slowly, his eyes still glued to Kanda.

"It just so happens..." Lavi began, placing the photo of Allen in front of him. "...that I was called onto this one."

Allen's eyes widened at the sight of the photo, "I told the police I didn't know anything about it." 

"Each victim after you matches your description. The last one, who was pronounced dead on the scene, had the most striking resemblence." Lavi told him, his normally happy face completely void of emotion. "He has a type, which means you meant something to our bomber."

"So what?" Allen scoffed, "That doesn't mean I would know anything about them."

"I have reason to believe otherwise."

"What reason?"

"I have a copy of a witness report filed by a Miss Lee from about a year and a half ago, reporting an on-campus sexual assault. However, nothing ever came out of it since the victim never came forward." 

Allen's face twisted into one of fear. Kanda looked away from him, unable to bear the look on his face.

"When I called Miss Lee to ask about the report, she confirmed that it was you who she witnessed being assaulted and that shortly after that assault, your car was bombed. So, I dug a little deeper, and I found a link. Each victim either reported a sexual assault shortly before they were targeted or had evidence of being sexually assaulted when they were examined." 

Tears were welling up in Allen's eyes, his jaw clenched. His hands balled into fists as he looked at Lavi.

"So what? I never saw my attacker. If that's whose name you're after, you should ask Lenalee since she seems talkative. She's the one who watched me get _fucked_ while I was drugged out of my mind after all." Allen spat, both professors' eyes widening, "But I can tell you this: There's more at play here than you think."

With that, Allen got up and stomped towards the door. As his hand reached for the doorknob, he turned to look over his shoulder at Kanda.

His voice was trembling as he spoke, "Do you think differently of me now, Professor?" 

He didn't wait for the answer, slamming the door behind him as he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: My spring break is officially over, so updates will be less frequent. But yeesh, shit has hit the fan.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **What did you think of the flashback of Lenalee and Allen? What did you think of Allen's backstory? What do you think of Lavi's detective work? Do you think Kanda and Allen will recover from this?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Lemme know in the comments!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: ironically going through relationship troubles as I am writing this lmao**
> 
>  
> 
> **WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD**

Allen was angry. Sad. Confused. He could not think straight. His heart was pounding. His hands were shaking.

On the drive back to his apartment, he gripped the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. He felt as if he were on the verge of an anxiety attack.

Instead of going directly back to his own apartment, Allen stopped on the floor below his. He stood in front of a door, trying to calm his uneven breathing. Then, he banged on the door. 

Lenalee swung the door open, her eyes wide when she saw him.

“Why?” Allen asked in the calmest voice he could manage.

Her eyes searched his face, her voice monotone, “Why what?”

_“Why what?”_ Allen hissed in a mocking tone, “You know what. You told them! You swore you’d never say anything!”

“I’m sorry? I thought we weren’t friends anymore?” She spat, “Why should I have to listen to anything you say?”

“What the fuck are you even saying? We’ve been friends for seven years.” Allen said incredulously, “We got in a fight and you decided to just throw all of that away?”

Lenalee was silent for a moment, her brows furrowed, “It wasn’t just a fight. There were many, and I couldn’t just let things stay the way they were. You—!”

“No. Enough about me.” Allen interrupted her, “You promised me you’d leave what happened in the past and never speak of it. Then, when I continue on as if nothing happened like we promised, you attacked me when I continued to date guys. Constantly. You’d blatantly sabotage my chances with them too.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” Lenalee shouted, “You sound crazy!”

“So, you’d just conveniently start liking a guy after I told you I did? Even if you didn’t know them?” He questioned, fire in his eyes, “Why, if not to sabotage me?”

“You know damn well why!”

“Then, enlighten me. Why, Lena?”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you! You’re the one who hurt me!” She pointed an accusatory finger towards him. “Stop trying to pin the blame on me when you did equally bad shit!”

“What bad shit?” Allen pressed, “Breaking up with you? Because I came out?”

“Please! I could give a shit less about you being gay! Afterwards though, you completely ditched me! I didn’t matter to you anymore!”

“Oh, cry me a river, Lena! We had just gotten accepted to college! I wanted to explore myself in ways I wasn’t able to in high school.”

“By sleeping with every guy that moved? By being a complete sleazebag? By dating worthless guys that hurt you over and over again for you to complain to me about?”

“Sorry, I’m not a prude.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then, what is it for fuck’s sake?”

“You don’t take care of yourself. You don’t listen to my advice. You just do whatever the fuck you feel like and let bad things happen to you. You don’t care how much your actions hurt your friends.” Her eyes were watering, “Just watch. It will happen all over again with Kanda too. You’ll screw him and leave, get him obsessed like you do with everyone who’s ever loved you, and…”

“Lena.” He stopped her short, his eyes narrowed into slits. “You can talk shit about me all you want, but don’t you dare fucking bring him into this.”

Her eyes widened for a moment before she regained her composure, “Why don’t you just go? What’s done is done.”

“You know it’s not like that.” He muttered, “But fine. Enjoy your new fucking life without me. Just know I would have never done this shit to you if the roles were reversed.”

With that, he spun on his heels and trudged back towards the stairwell. Lenalee stared after him, but she made no move to stop him despite the heaviness that had settled on her shoulders.

**********************************************************

It had been a few days since Kanda had heard from Allen. He was growing anxious. Allen wouldn’t respond to his texts or calls, and he left immediately after his shifts at the library so Kanda wouldn’t catch him. 

An unbearable feeling of guilt had nestled itself into Kanda’s chest over the week, intent on suffocating him. He hated it. He hated how Allen had managed to affect him so deeply in such a short period of time. Yet, he was beginning to realize it wasn’t as short as he thought. Thinking back, the attraction was there for a while. It was just never given the chance to blossom until now. 

So, he resorted to the last option he could think of. Against his better judgement, he went to Allen’s apartment. He had only been there twice before, so he was praying he remembered the correct floor and room number.

He knocked on the door, tapping his foot anxiously. He was surprised and somewhat relieved Allen was the one who answered, wide silvery gray eyes meeting steely blue ones. 

Allen was shirtless, dressed in only a pair of black sweatpants. The love bites from their date still dotted his porcelain skin, albeit faded. His snowy hair was wet, a towel wrapped around his shoulders as if he just left the shower.

Allen’s brows knitted in confusion, “Kanda? What are you doing here?”

“Tch. You’re really going to ask me that when you’ve been avoiding me for a week?” Kanda scoffed.

“Have I?” He feigned stupidity, “My bad.”

“Allen.” Kanda warned.

Allen winced at the use of his name, then sighed, “Fine. Come in. My roommate’s not here anyway.”

Kanda followed him into the apartment, trying his damnedest not to let his eyes drift down Allen’s body.

“So? What brings you here?” Allen asked casually, making Kanda’s brow twitch in annoyance.

“This is the only way I could think to get in contact with you again.” He muttered.

Allen’s brows raised in surprise, “Since when did you care whether or not we talked? You don’t have to pretend to care about me anymore.”

“Pretend?” Kanda repeated slowly, “You think I was pretending?”

“I mean, I forced you to go out with me.” Allen shrugged, “I figured you only went along with it for shits and giggles, considering my reputation. Right? Since I’m easy?”

“Idiot.” Kanda spat, his face flushed in frustration, “If that’s what all of this was about, don’t you think I would have fucked you that night at my house?”

Allen was silent, his eyes wide.

“If it was about your body, I could have done that without considering your feelings at all.” Kanda continued, regaining his composure. “But I didn’t.”

“…What about what Bookman told you about me? Do you think less of me because of it?” Allen asked, his voice as low as a whisper.

“Why would I? What happened to you wasn’t even your fault.”

Allen sighed and tossed the towel wrapped around him into a nearby basket, taking a few steps closer to Kanda. “I know you’re older than me, but why do you have to sound so cool and calm all the time?”

Allen wrapped his arms around Kanda’s waist, pulling him close and continuing in a teasing voice. “Then again, you do yell a lot too.”

“Tch.”

Pressed close together, Allen pulled Kanda into a deep kiss.

“I don’t think I’ve ever liked a man as much as you, Professor…” He whispered in Kanda’s ear, pushing him towards the sofa.

“Allen?” Kanda’s eyes were wide as he fell back on the couch, Allen straddling him. 

“I need to get over my fear somehow, right?” Allen reasoned, unbuttoning Kanda’s shirt. “Besides, it’s your fault for making me feel this way.”

“What about your roommate?” Kanda asked, face flushed as Allen trailed kisses down his neck.

“He’s not here, remember?”

“What if he walks in?”

Allen laughed, “Then, we give him a show?”

“But… what about you?”

Allen quirked a brow, “What about me?”

“Will you be okay…?” Kanda murmured.

Allen seemed to ponder the question in his head. “Like I said, I need to get over my fear. Besides, I think I’ll be okay as long as I remind myself it’s you.”

Their lips met for another kiss, tongues dancing against each other. Allen was grinding against Kanda’s lap, making him groan. He pulled Kanda’s shirt all the way off, tossing it on the floor. Allen’s hands travelled down Kanda’s body, stopping short of the other man’s pants when Kanda grabbed hold of his wrists.

His face was flushed, but his deep blue eyes held a storm of concern behind them. Allen felt his heart stop just by looking into those eyes, as if they could stop time. He could not remember the last time a guy had affected him in such a way, and the thought scared him for a brief moment.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Kanda asked him again, uncertainty dancing behind his eyes.

Slowly, Allen nodded, and Kanda released his grip on his wrists. Allen’s hands were trembling slightly, but the feeling of Kanda’s lips on his neck made him unable to think. Craning his neck, he let out a small gasp when he felt Kanda’s teeth graze the skin where he had left a mark before. 

“Making another so everyone can see?” Allen teased, his voice low and husky.

“Perhaps.” Kanda muttered against his skin, feeling his neck vibrate as he chuckled.

He bit his lip in anticipation when he felt Kanda’s hands trail low on his torso until he reached the dip of his hips. As Kanda’s lips travelled down Allen’s chest, one of his hands cupped his erection through his sweatpants, making slow teasing strokes. Allen let out a breathy moan, tangling his fingers in the other man’s long, dark hair. 

Allen let out a low growl, “Don’t be such a tease, Professor.”

“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” Kanda retorted, and Allen could practically _hear_ the smirk on his face.

“Strip.” Allen demanded, releasing the other man’s hair.

Crawling off Kanda’s lap, Allen reached for the end table and opened the drawer to pull out a condom and some lube. 

“Tch. Do you just have those laying around everywhere?” Kanda scoffed as he stripped off his pants.

“This apartment belongs to a couple of college boys.” Allen smirked, “You think we wouldn’t be prepared?”

Kanda rolled his eyes, peeling off his boxer briefs. Allen bit his lip as his eyes roamed over Kanda’s nude body, taking in every minute detail. Stripping off his own clothes, Allen drew closer to Kanda, opening a condom with his teeth. Handing the condom over to Kanda, Allen slicked his own fingers in lube, smirking when the other man gave him an intrigued stare.

“Watch.” Allen told him, spreading his legs. 

Bracing himself, Allen let out a low groan as he pushed a lubricated finger inside of himself, biting his lip. Kanda’s eyes widened as he watched Allen, eyes glossy and filled with lust. Moaning quietly, Allen pushed in another finger and another, stretching himself out. 

Then, Kanda was on top of him, unable to watch anymore. He pulled Allen’s hand away and rolled the condom onto his member, placing himself in between the other man’s legs. Slowly, he pushed into him, watching Allen’s back arch from the intrusion. When he was all the way in, he began moving at a slow and steady pace, only picking it up when he thought Allen looked more comfortable. 

“Fuck…” Allen’s head lolled back, his face flushed and eyes glossed over with lust.

Allen’s hand moved to his erection, which was leaking pre-cum onto his abdomen. He stroked himself in time with each of Kanda’s thrusts, eyes rolling to the back of his head from the pleasure. Kanda watched him, breathing raggedly as he watched Allen’s flushed body writhe beneath him. 

“Ah!” Allen’s eyes widened when Kanda brushed against his prostate, lewd whimpers escaping his lips. 

He picked up speed, fucking Allen hard and fast until he was moaning loud and throaty obscenities. 

“Fuck! Kanda, I—!” Allen came, his abdomen painted white.

With a few more thrusts, Kanda came too, the two of them breathing heavily as they gazed at each other. 

Allen looked like a mess. The marks Kanda had left prior were fresh again, dark against his flushed porcelain skin. His damp white hair curled around his pinkened cheeks, his lips swollen and red. His silvery eyes were glossy, filled with something Kanda had never seen in them before.

“D-don’t stare at me like that…” Allen muttered, averting his eyes. 

“What? You’re shy now?” Kanda teased him, pulling away from him to dispose of the condom.

Allen watched him, that same strange look in his eyes. “You’ve never looked at me like that before.”

Kanda tensed up as he pulled his clothes on, feeling Allen’s eyes on him. “Like what?”

His voice was quiet, vulnerable. “…Lovingly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: just a bit more to go and some extra chapters and this story will be complete unless my brain is just like "nah fam, ya gotta do [this]".**
> 
> **also, i have a tiktok now. it's mostly just cringey ones of me cosplaying bakugou from bnha, but i will probs start doing allen ones as well. so if you are interested, go follow me @ kcrylo on tiktok.**
> 
>  
> 
> **i can't think of a specific question for this chapter, so just tell me your overall thoughts.**


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